Hundred Gauntlets
by Xorn
Summary: Misogi Kumagawa is not very special, as far as parahumans go. His power is really only good at making him an adequate meat shield. But Misogi wants to WIN, not to sit around bleeding on people. To be the best at something, for just once in his life. Unfortunately, there's no way for him to rise above others. So instead, he'll have to drag them all the way down to his level. Zero.
1. Loser 1

**Oh dear God what am I doing. Someone save me from my own creativity so I may actually make progress on a story.**

**Anyway, here's the Kumagawa-centric crossover I've always wanted to write.**

* * *

**Loser 1.1**

**(Or: The Obligatory Lung Fight)**

The docks are burning. I take in the flames and chaos as a man whose body is rippling with metallic scales fights against three massive lizard-like creatures. The lizards and spots of billowing darkness forming here and there suggest that the Undersiders are picking a fight with Lung. Or Lung is picking a fight with them, but Brockton Bay's local man-dragon has a tendency to not do much unless provoked - not entirely unlike a real dragon sleeping on his hoard. I don't really get why a guy with that much power wouldn't relish it, using it every chance he could.

But then, maybe that's just because I've never been given the chance to rest on my laurels. Or even the chance to have laurels to rest on. Oh well, I'll just add that to the list of things I'll understand when I finally win something!~

「Yo, Console. Looks like the Undersiders have decided to poke our local sleeping dragon. While I admire their courage, they're probably all going to die unless we give them some help. Permission to engage?」

Vista makes a bit of a choking noise at my question. What's her deal?

_"Bu- wha- No! Do not engage! Are you insane, Underdog? Your brute powers are basically irrelevant in the face of Lung's pyrokinesis, and the only damage you two are packing is Stalker's tranq bolts!"_

Eh? Isn't she underestimating me a bit? I can survive burning alive for at least a minute! I know my limits! Still, she is right about my level of force being totally irrelevant against Lung. Even more irrelevant than she thinks, since she seems to be operating under the rather silly assumption that Shadow Stalker would actually stay with me on patrol. I wonder, if I get injured here, could I guilt Sophia into wearing spandex next time we pat- OH WOW TATTLETALE WEARS SPANDEX THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT! Those thighs! That lush boso-

_"...derdog! Underdog! Do you copy!? Dammit Misogi, if you've already jumped in again I swear-"_

「Uh- er- yeah, I read you, Console. Hey, do you think Tattletale would give me a Pity Date if I save her life from a giant rage dragon?」

I hear even more sputtering over the radio.

_"Wh-wh-what the hell kind of question is that!? I know you said you fell in love with another cape while we were doing truth or dare but- wait that's not the issue here! I just told you, Armsmaster is on his way, wait for backup!"_

「Ah, no, the girl I fell in love with is someone else entirely. Tattletale just fills out her costume really well so-」

_"Stop going off topic dammit! Promise me you won't get involved with the fight! Tell Stalker, too, she turned off her com again."_

「...Don't worry, Vista. I can guarantee that Shadow Stalker will not jump into the fight.」

_"...She went off on her own again, didn't she?"_

「I think the line she used this time was "the very idea of spending any more time with you just made me throw up in my mouth. I'm going solo, go pick a fight with Hookwolf and die or something."」

_"Goddamit."_

I glance down at the fight from the warehouse I've climbed to the top of. Lung suplexes one of the giant lizard creatures, pinning Tattletale and the Renaissance Fair guy I forgot the name of underneath it. They're gonna die if I don't intervene, so…

「Hey Console, I'm going in! I'll try not to die before Armsmaster gets here, so tell him to hurry up!」

_"Underdog, don't you fucking dare! Do you hear me, Misogi!? I swear, I will _end_ you!"_ Vista yells in her adorable voice. Her threats are honestly cuter than most of the cat videos I've seen on the internet.

Under most circumstances, nothing I could do would damage Lung at all. Naturally, my dynamic entry to this fight took this into account. My body strength won't do anything to a ramped up Lung, but dropping my entire body weight onto his head feet first will. Especially when his neck has started to elongate from his Changer power, thus causing his head to be forward of his center of mass.

It's not every day one gets to knock Lung flat on his stomach, so I really can't help but gloat a bit.

「Hah! You expected Underdog to attack from below, but I came from above! You fell for my ruse!」

As I speak, I stomp on his head over and over. Maybe I can knock him unconscious before he has a chance to react. The trapped Undersiders manage to get up, and start running away at about the point that Lung explodes. Violently.

I'm thrown against an already shattered wall, and get a piece of exposed piping lodged in my stomach for my troubles. That's fine, though. My power lets me avoid it hitting any vital blood vessels, and my organs are made of sturdier stuff than that. Lung starts to go after the fleeing Undersiders, so I kick him in the back of his left knee with all my strength. His knee bends, and I follow my attack up with another blow to his right leg.

「Hey, now! I know I'm pretty pathetic, but don't just go forgetting about me!」I say, smiling in spite of the pain.

Lung topples again, and I tackle him, ignoring my impalement. He turns to look at me, which is really stupid of him. I jam my thumbs into his eyes, mashing them into a disgusting jelly. He grabs for my arms, but I can dodge his blind fumbling. He throws me off of him, and roars words barely identifiable as "Kill you!" before filling the alleyway with fire.

Luckily, I have enough warning to hold my breath before he does so. Interesting fact - burning alive takes a while to kill a person. It's inhaling the superheated gases that kills quickly. The gases scorch the inside of the victim's lungs and cause suffocation long before the actual burning would kill them.

Of course, since I'm holding my breath, I'll last a surprising amount of time on fire. I stand for a while, before executing my secret technique: playing dead. The flames die down, and I can make out the noise of him approaching my blackened body. My eyeballs have, of course, burst. However, his footsteps get progressively softer, so he seems to be ramping down. I wait patiently as I hear the noise of him hocking up saliva to spit on my body. At exactly that moment, I pull the pipe from where it's lodged in my abdomen and drive it into his skull with as much force as I can muster. I feel it bend a bit as it strikes him; the pipe is superheated. I just can't feel it because he already burned all my pain nerves out of my body. It's a miracle I can even hear right now.

I try to cough out a quick quip.

「Heh.. Gotcha...」

Yeah, not really my best.

Lung falls for the third time and I straddle his body, raising the pipe above his head. I bring it down, over and over, and he speaks again, grabbing my forearms. I feel them snap as he yells furiously.

"Why won't you just DIE!?"

The grin on what remains of my face stretches wider. Perfect. I know where his mouth is now. I drop the pipe with my hands, catch it with my elbows, and use them to guide the pipe into his open mouth. I put all my weight behind it and drive the red-hot metal down his throat, where it bends as necessary due to the heat. He screams, throwing me off and trying to pull the steel out of his jaw. The flames start again, melting the metal further and causing it to flow down his throat. I hear him fall, and the screaming eventually stops.

As I start to lose consciousness, I hear the noise of someone approaching, and a knife being drawn from its sheathe.

Ah.

Oni Lee.

I used all my strength fighting Lung. There's no way for me to beat him.

Once again, I couldn't win.

I pass out.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**This story was originally published on spacebattles in 2017. I got distracted from it, though, and after 2.1 didn't touch it for a year.**

**It's less dead now, though, and we're chugging along just fine. As such I saw fit to crosspost it here.**

**Q&A CORNER!**

**Power Explanation**

Misogi Kumagawa's power is to be good at losing.

His power, technically a thinker ability, lets him maneuver his body subconsciously in such a way as to avoid the most major damage of attacks. He can still die from blood loss, but that's difficult to do when most attacks miss his major blood vessels. This in addition to certain… oddities... in his biology allows him to pretty much meat shield harder than any brute who doesn't have explicit regeneration abilities. And harder than some regenerators too.

However, beyond that his power is pretty useless. He can target the normal human weaknesses of others, by virtue of knowing how to protect his own, but ultimately that doesn't amount to much. His own natural body strength is honestly pathetic.

**Okay, but who the fuck is Misogi Kumagawa**

Misogi is a character from the Anime/Manga Medaka Box. He was basically born with a role as the universe's chew toy. He angsted about it for a while, but he's over that now. He doesn't care about stuff like why he was born this way, doomed to never win in any satisfying way. He just wants to rise above it. He wants, just for once in his life, to succeed at something.

Kumagawa was introduced as a villain in the arc just after the anime ended. He wound up being a huge fan favorite. Despite acquiring the hilariously OP power to literally erase anything from existence, he still manages to lose, which kind of says something about the general power level in Medaka box. And also about his character, because he won't accept simply erasing his opponents as a real victory.

**Where is All-Fiction? Why is Kumagawa so weak!?**

...That's kinda the point. All-Fiction wasn't even Kumagawa's original power, so I'm not going to just give him that as his parahuman power right out the gate. Obviously from the title, it will play a role. But for now all he's going to have is a sort of prototype Book-Maker. Part of that was an attempt to avoid Misogi becoming just another OC with Kumagawa's name and power. There are a few too many of those floating around out there and that's such a shame. Most of the reason I love Kumagawa so much is his character. I love a stompfic as much as the next guy, but this isn't really meant to be one.

**Where the hell is Taylor?**

Hmm... I wonder?

:p


	2. Loser 2

**Loser 1.2**

I slowly regain consciousness, to the sound of beeping. Most likely a heart monitor. I open my eyes- oh hey I have eyelids again! Cool. Squinting and blinking a bit from the light, I examine my body. My skin is soft and sensitive, not unlike the skin after a fingernail gets torn off. I reach for the water bottle placed on my bedside table and start chugging. The catheter in my arm is already replacing lost bodily fluids, but having burned alive tends to make me thirsty. Who knew, right?

I slap the alert button to let the staff know I'm awake.

「Hey, I'm awake. Can you guys bring some food up with you? I'm pretty hungry, y'know?」

It's an effect of Panacea's healing that I'm pretty well acquainted with. Gotta replenish all the fat stores she used up to heal me. I'll probably be eating like a starving man for the next few weeks, with how much damage I took.

An orderly enters a few minutes later carrying a tray of food. I recognize him, I think his name's Mike or something. He speaks to me while putting the tray down.

"You know, even if you did get thrown out last time for disorderly behavior, you don't have to set yourself on fire just to see women in nurse uniforms. The internet exists, you know."

Philistine. He should know, if he's a real man, that the female form is something that must be observed with one's own two eyes! I won't stand for this blasphemy!

「Looking at pictures isn't the same! It has to be in person! I can't get the authentic nurse experience without seeing them actually care for patients!」

"You won't get the authentic nurse experience here either. The female orderlies are completely refusing to go near you. Hell, Panacea practically sprinted out of the room after healing you, saying that she didn't want to be anywhere nearby when you woke up," He responds, deadpan.

「Ow! That really hurts, you know? I know that most women would rather kill themselves than come near me, but at least let me pretend! That aside, I can't really say I blame Pan-pan for ditching me here. If I saw her by my bedside when I woke up, I might have ended up falling in love right then and there,」I respond, shoveling food into my mouth.

Mike scowls at me.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, it's gross. Armsmaster should be in here in a few minutes. We alerted him when you woke up. Most people wouldn't be asked for a report so quickly after they woke up from such a traumatic injury, but…"

I laugh.「I'm used to stuff like this, so it's fine. Most people don't have my cockroach-like stubbornness. Hopefully my brute rating can keep me safe from the chewing out I'm about to receive!~」

* * *

「Yo,」I say as I walk into Wards HQ.

Vista shoots up and stomps over to me. Oh God she's puffing out her cheeks, I can't help myself!

「Vistaaa!~」I yell, flinging myself forward in an attempt at a flying glomp.

The ground stretches beneath me, throwing off my trajectory just enough for Vista to deliver a punch to the crown of my head that knocks me flat.

"You IDIOT!" she squeaks in a valiant attempt at a roar. "I've asked this before, but are you trying to die or something!? What part of do not engage do you not understand, huh!? You just got off your last console duty stretch, and you fight Lung!?"

Wow, she actually seems pretty upset. I don't really get it, but…

「Careful, Vista! If you act too concerned, a guy like me will get the wrong idea and mistake your kindness for something else entirely! On an unrelated note, I can see up your skirt from this angle, and-」

She kicks me. Repeatedly. Honestly, does nobody see this completely uncalled for physical abuse? Aegis, save me!~

"Underdog, stop antagonizing Vista," our fearless leader yells from the couch. Ow. What happened to being a shield for the weak? Aegis, You've already fallen from grace! What unforgivable betrayal!

「Aegis, you traitor!」I turn to the last teammate in the room, who has removed his helmet again. 「Dennis! Save me! You wouldn't just let Vista beat up on an injured man!」

He glances at me and raises an eyebrow. "Why's your hair gray?"

「Ah, Lung burned it all off. I haven't had a chance to dye it black again. But don't change the subject, I'm being assaulted here! I'm going to scuff up all my new skin!」

Dennis grimaces at my statement.

"You needed new skin? That always sucks. How much?"

「Oh, all of it! 」Vista's attacks freeze.「But I was only medium rare in the worst spots. I've had worse!」

"Jesus Christ," Dennis mutters, "How have you had worse than being burned alive?"

I sit up and brush myself off a bit. 「Eh, last time I got set on fire I didn't know to hold my breath. My lungs weren't charbroiled this time, and my pain nerves got burnt out pretty fast. I mean, don't get me wrong, it hurt a lot, but at least it was over pretty fast! ...Hey, Vista, are you okay? You're shaking a bit.」

Her fists clench a bit and she stalks off to a training room . Well, even if she's still pissed, I think I guilt-tripped her into not hitting me, though, so I've got that going for me.

My two remaining teammates are still looking at me wide-eyed. I don't really get it, but while they're gawking, the entry alarm rings. Dennis and Carlos put their masks back on. My costume is currently ashes on the wind, so I don't bother. My Identity is a public secret anyway. The Mayor's family takes in a Slaughterhouse Nine survivor after he was flown in for treatment from Panacea, and a new Ward shows up just after? But hey, who's this Underdog guy, right?

In any case, it's Gallant who enters the room, and then pauses to look at me.

"...Did you dye your hair?"

「Heh, no, I've actually had gray hair since I was a kid. I've just been dying it for a while now.」

His expression grows a little puzzled. He glances at Aegis, but it's Clock who speaks up.

"Apparently, the punishment for the last stunt he pulled didn't sink in, because Underdog decided to one-up himself and pick a fight with Lung. So yeah, now he gets to rock a brand new head of hair."

「Don't forget the new skin!」 I chime in. 「But yeah, long story short, I'm on console duty for the foreseeable future.」

Dennis winces. "Ouch, man. That's rough. I understand it, though."

I shrug. 「Eh, I'm pretty used to it at this point. Emily's getting tired of me always pushing my luck. I'm really just upset that Lung got away.」

Gallant gives one of his trademark good-natured chuckles. "Maybe if you didn't call the director by her first name, she might like you more. That aside, you shouldn't worry about not beating Lung. Just be glad you survived."

「Oh no, see, I did beat him. Through an overwhelming number of dirty tricks I dragged him down with me in glorious mutual defeat. Unfortunately, Oni Lee showed up at the same time as Armsy, and Halbeard chose to withdraw rather than risk a big fight between them.」

They all gawk at me.

This time it's Aegis who speaks first.

"...How!?"

I shrug.

「I knocked him over and shoved a pipe in his mouth. Let his fire take care of melting it so he breathed in molten iron. Then we both passed out. I think. It's possible he's dead, I guess. Still, he got away, so I don't really think I can call it a win.」

Carlos gives a forced smile. "...I feel like you need to redefine what you think of as a win, Misogi."

I give a forced laugh. Maybe I do. If I settle for second best, maybe I could be happy.

But that would mean giving up. And I can't do that. I'm okay with losing. I'll keep trying and trying, as long as I need to win. But I can't ever give up and pretend a loss is a win. That's not who I am.

So I'll keep fighting, and keep losing, and maybe, one day, by some twist of luck, I might actually succeed.

And then Clockblocker interrupts my internal monologue.

"So I guess our local dragon will be having some… Lung problems, huh? Eh? Eeehhh?"

* * *

**On Misogi's hair**

In the flashback to kid!Kumagawa, he's shown with grey hair. While hair color changing as you grow older is a thing, I don't think it's ever been seen for grey hair to go black. Thus, the assumption that Kumagawa dyes his hair


	3. Loser 3

**Loser 1.3**

Eventually, the time comes for me to head home from HQ. I step into the employee parking garage, waving to a stern-faced Rory Christner. He sighs and unlocks the car, climbing into the driver's seat. I sit shotgun.

"This needs to stop," he says as he starts the car.

「I'm not sure what you're talking about,」I say, shrugging. 「Unless you mean you driving me places. In that case, I guess I'm sorry for hitching a ride with you all these times, I just kind of assumed you didn't mind.」

He grinds his teeth a bit. I think I've managed to irritate him.

"I meant the repeated attempts at suicide-by-cape, Misogi. You're a Ward, you shouldn't be anywhere near guys like Lung."

「Hey! I know my limits! Heck, I almost won-」

"By escalating to the point that you were bleeding out on the ground!" he shouts, slamming a fist on the steering wheel.

I shrug. 「If that's what it takes to be a Hero and protect the weak-」

"Don't give me that bullshit," he says, cutting me off. "I know you, Misogi. You just wanted to win. To beat Lung, where no one else had."

「...Is that so wrong? To want to succeed?」

He glances at me and heaves a sigh. "As Triumph, responsible protectorate hero? You shouldn't even be attempting to defeat Lung. You're a Ward, and that means safety is your priority. As Rory Christner? No. It isn't wrong to desire victory. I would be a hypocrite if I said it was. Still, sometimes you have to hold back a bit, so you have a better chance later. If you sprain your ankle on the way to third base, you'll never make it to home plate."

I chuckle in response. What a dumb analogy. You don't make it to home base regardless of whether you make it to third in that analogy. But personally, I think it at least looks cooler if I make it to third and then run on my sprained ankle. Sprains are chump change anyway.

I gaze out the window, starting for a second at the scowl creeping its way onto my face. That's not right! Gotta keep smiling, even through the pain. It's one of the coolest parts of my character, you know!

Honestly, Rory really gets under my skin when he gets like this.

I don't mind the rest of the Christner family. Roy and Lucy are a bit more distant than my old parents were, but that also keeps them from trying to pull me out of the wards anytime something mildly concerning like last night happens. Mom and Dad would have pulled me out. They would have sheltered me and kept me safe, even if I told them that doing that would destroy me.

...They were really good parents. They didn't deserve a child like me.

Regardless, Roy and Lucy certainly aren't bad. I could have gotten much worse, to be honest. The Alcotts as well, Roy's sister's family. They live in the same neighborhood as us, and I usually walk to school with their daughter. Dinah is really sweet, if a bit distant.

But then there's Rory. I really should get along better with him. He is my brother, after all, if only by adoption. And yet.

And yet I can't help but hate him.

I'm not really sure when Rory triggered, but I know why. You see, Rory is a Baseball player. He's good at it, too. He was on the baseball team for his schooling level since he was just a little kid, from what I understand. He was always one of the most reliable hitters, always made the team. Yes, Rory was a Baseball player. He lived and breathed the sport.

But.

Rory was not THE Baseball player. That role always belonged to someone else. Rory was a good Baseball player, but there was always someone better. And he realized that, and it was enough to make him trigger. And then he used his new powers, and became the Baseball player. But, of course, there are rules about that sort of thing. Parahumans aren't allowed to compete in sports. Rory was kicked out and lost the thing he loved the most.

And he accepted that. He calmly walked away, giving up something he loved above all else. And then he joined the heroes, and named himself Triumph!

I hated him after that. Because he accepted his loss. He shrugged it off and walked away, as if the knowledge that he would never succeed in what he loved the most hadn't changed him in the slightest. He gave up on trying to win. And that's something that I would pity, but not hate.

But he chose the name Triumph. As if he had won. As if giving up was a victory. And that is something that I can't even try to comprehend. The two of us will never see eye to eye. Because Triumph is, at his core, the opposite of everything I believe in, everything I am.

* * *

Walking to school with my younger cousin has become routine over these past two years. Rory joined us too, prior to his graduation. We're well within range of Arcadia, the High School myself and most of the wards attend; and Haven, the middle school Dinah and Missy both attend is just next door. Of course, because of how open my identity is, I can't be seen associating with the other wards. In fact, I'm not really supposed to make friends with anyone for fear of people thinking they might be wards. And so, I can only really associate with my "family" in my civillian identity.

「Good morning, Dinah!」I shout at my adoptive cousin from her doorway, flinging my arms wide open for a hug. She responds with a smirk and walks past me.

"Good morning, Misogi. How are you today?" she says, with smugness totally unbecoming of someone with her cuteness.

「Gah! How cruel! What have I done to deserve a cruel little sister like this?」I moan, falling to my knees. Merciless rejection, as expected from Dinah!

She groans. "Little sister? Are you trying to find someone to fill that role again?"

「Of course!」I respond. 「The little sister type is one of the most important characters for the protagonist to have in their life! The cheerful, caring little sister should always be there to help and support the down-on-his-luck protagonist!」

"Misogi, we're cousins, not siblings-" she starts.

「That's better though! The actually-a-cousin subtype is much more caring than the actual siblings!」

"You're adopted, even!" She shouts.

「Even better! The not-related-by-blood little sister allows for a slight romantic tension between the protagonist and the girl who cares for him when he returns home!」I shout in response! Ah, I'm getting pretty worked up now! The little sister trope must be the invention of a true genius!

"I don't live in your home! Idiot! Like I could even see a creep like you as a reliable big brother figure! Where do you even get off, calling yourself the protagonist! You're just some two bit joke character, don't kid yourself!" Dinah shouts, "One hundred percent chance you never succeed at anything! Ninety-nine point eight percent chance you die young! Eighty nine point nine percent chance you… r-receive fatal wounds... w-within the next month…"

She trails off at the end of her rant. Those are some pretty specific percentages! What's up with that, huh?

Dinah starts muttering furiously to herself. "Seventy-five percent chance of severe injury -ow, ow, ow, - in the next week-"

「Eh? What's this? A thinker power!? When did Dinah get something like that? My little sister can't be a powerful precog!」I shout, ecstatic.

"Quiet, Misogi!" she hisses, clutching her head. "Do you want to out me to everyone!?"

「Ah! You really are then? That's great! You can join the wards and be another crimefighting buddy for me!」

Dinah sighs. "I can't do that. I asked my power when I first got it. Ninety-nine point six five percent chance me joining the wards ends badly."

「O-oh. That's unfortunate. I guess you'll just have to go solo or join… some… other team… eh? Oh my god! Dinah! Are you Tattletale!? You're Tattletale aren't you!? You're welcome for saving your life the other night! You can thank me by calling me big bro-」

"You're wrong! You're definitely way off base!"


	4. Loser 4

**Loser 1.4**

I grunt a bit, trying to avoid being trampled in Arcadia's cramped hallways. Things weren't so bad a few months ago, but the public school in our district, Winslow, was totally destroyed when Overgrowth showed up four months ago. We still aren't sure if the mass of plant matter is the results of a trigger event, a Case 53, or some sort of infant endbringer. It's pretty damn scary; some people are even calling it the next Nilbog. Luckily, the whole area was successfully quarantined, with only a handful of injuries and a few missing people.

Regardless, most of the effort over the past few months has been to study the mutant forest and find some way to get rid of it; what was at first a temporary cramming of students into neighboring schools has slowly just become an indefinite arrangement. That's politics, I guess~.

I breathe a small sigh of relief as I manage to pop out of the hallway of sardines into the cafeteria, which thankfully has enough space for everyone to sit. It's still cramped, but that's to my advantage!

See, when the Winslow kids weren't here, there were plenty of seats for people to separate into different cliques. While that's still the case to some extent, the presence of a whole bunch of rough and tumble guys makes people less likely to say "Ewwww Misogi Kumagawa, keep your distance!"

Well, that's what I thought at first. As it turns out, I'm still a total pariah. I mean, sure a few minor characters tried to get friendly with me for a bit, since I am pretty much the only public member of the wards, but pretty soon most of them got driven off by this rotten personality of mine. Oh well, I guess I still can't win~!

I get my food, and then head to a certain table where I have some business.

「Pan-paaaan!~」I call out, waving as I make my way to the Dallon Table. I manage to make my way over there through the crowd, getting stepped on a bit but eventually tumbling out onto the ground at the edge of the table, face-planting in an extremely undignified manner. I hear someone mutter "oh God, not again," as I hop to my feet and dust myself off.

「Since I know my presence is probably unwanted here-」I start, before Victoria Dallon cuts me off.

"If you know that then go away! Stop creeping on my sister, asshole!" Glory Girl shouts. Ah. So this is how I die, I realize. Death by overprotective older sister, in a school cafeteria. How suitably pathetic. Rest in peace, Misogi Kumagawa. He died as he lived, spurned by a cute girl.

"Vicky, aura," her sister says, and all of a sudden I can breathe.

「Uwah! Again, Pan-pan saves my life! I-if you keep doing this, my pure maiden's heart won't be able to take it! I'll fall in love, you'll be my knight in kind of dull white hood!~」I say, pushing my fingertips together in mock shyness.

"Do you actually want something or did you just come over here to try and provoke Vicky into manslaughter?" Amy asks me, deadpan.

「Manslaughter isn't the term for that! Manslaughter is an accident! Something like Glory Girl killing me would be homicide, you know! U-unless… were you going to take advantage of public opinion to avoid major charges!? Ah! Abuse of power! The heroes can't be trusted!」

Amy continues to give me an unamused stare.

"Are you done?" she asks.

「...Yeah. Anyways, I came to thank you for the healing last night. It must have been a hell of an hour to get up at, so thanks for that. I even got a gift to show my appreciation!」I say, as I retrieve a small bag stuffed with tissue paper from my backpack and place it on the table.

"...When did you have time to get this? And why does it say happy birthday on it?" she asks.

...Well, that's because it's actually something I got a few years back when I had thought I would be invited to her birthday party by virtue of being a ward. I've kind of had this gift lying around for a while now.

「...Don't overthink it,」I say, pretending that all that embarrassing stuff never happened.

When I enter the classroom, it's completely empty, save a single person. A girl, tall with a perfect figure. She has near ankle-length brown hair, tied back in a ponytail, and tied again at the end to keep the absurdly long ponytail together. She has vaguely Japanese facial features, accentuated by the fact that she's wearing what appears to be a school uniform from Japan. For some reason.

She tilts her head in an extremely alluring manner to look at me as I enter. I take my usual seat - second from the back, closest to the window. She smiles and gives a melodic chuckle before standing up and gliding over to where I'm seated. I give a nervous gulp as she takes a seat on the desk in front of me, crossing her legs.

*Ba-dump* *Ba-dump*

W-what… what is this!? Is she seriously approaching me to have a conversation?

"Misogi Kumagawa, huh?" she asks with a sly smile. "Hm, you sure are an interesting one.~ Most people would be long dead with a power like yours, y'know."

「A-ah… it's not really that special. It's an effective brute rating, so when you tack on the extra stuff I got two years ago-」I mutter.

Wait.

This isn't like me. Misogi Kumagawa would accept the compliment and move on, right? That aside, isn't this situation odd? An empty room, with a perfect girl in it? A japanese girl I don't recognize, only a day after I seriously injured Lung?

"Hm, I wonder about that... " she says, smile widening. Her smile, despite oozing smugness, doesn't upset me. It suits her flawless face, after all. Heck, I'm more worked up the more I look at her!

That is, of course, why I grab a pen and press the point against her throat.

「It was a nice try, but you can turn off the master power now」 I tell her.

She gives another chuckle so musical it would make Mozart gape.

"Hm? You think I'm mastering you? What do you think I am, some pointless mid-boss? I won't defy that I'm using some Master powers right now - mastery of arrival timing, mastery of air to simulate breathing, mastery of odor, mastery of my own body's molecules, mastery of sound to supply my voice, mastery of metal, mastery of plastic- but I haven't bothered to master you."

The girl casually pushes the pen _through my hand_, and I watch it spiral off into the air before it hits the wall, where it sinks several inches into the nose of a literature poster featuring Pinocchio.

_What._

The girl hops off the desk and suddenly vanishes. I feel her arms wrap around me from behind, and she leans forward, whispering in my ear.

"Honestly, I'd say my role is more like "the mysterious goddess who gifts the hero with power, only to show up as a secret boss at the end of the game" or something like that."

In the blink of an eye she is sitting on the desk again, as if she had never moved.

"So, that being said, I should probably introduce myself. My name is Najimi Ajimu, and I am a woman who can never lose. You can call me Anshin'in if you like!~" she says with a wink.

「Najimi, huh? So what do you want, exactly?」I ask.

"Anshin'in! Call me Anshin'in!" she insists.

「...Anshin'in, then. What do you want from me, exactly?」

She hops off the desk again and tilts my chin upwards, leaning in close.

"Hm? Weren't you listening earlier? The mysterious goddess who gifts the hero with power, that's the type of character I am. So, since somehow a side character like you has supplanted the leading role, I figure it might be better to give you a power more suited to the role!~"

And then my mind explodes into fireworks as she kisses me. With lots of tongue.

_What._

My mind goes into a fugue as she does things with just her lips on mine that feel more lewd than any of the pornography I've viewed.

_What._

Then, what feels like an eternity later, she pulls away, leaving me gasping for air.

"That was my first kiss," she whispers in my ear, "so you'd better take responsibility!~"

"Bwuh?" Is about the only response I can manage.

"Ah, you dropped these ヾ(ｏ･ω･)ﾉ「」," Najimi says, handing back my bracket quotes.

「Oh, thanks…」I mutter as I put them back… wait, what the heck?

"It's just a bit of meta humor, don't overthink it," Anshin'in replies, waving away my concerns. Oi, you just spoke in a way that's totally impossible just now! Don't just handwave it!

Her smile shifts into a predatory one.

"In any case… I figure that you and I can help each other out, yeah? You see, I'm dreadfully bored. I said this before, but you can think of me as the person who always wins. But always succeeding gets old after a while. It's like booting up a game and finding out that you've received a free DLC item that trivializes everything. It may be entertaining at first, but a good story requires some amount of tension. I want something new. _As someone who can only win, I naturally want to lose._"

Ah. I think I know where she's going with this.

"And so, I decided to go for a challenge run of sorts. The first one was no challenge, so I've decided to act through the weakest proxy available. If I cheer for you, then there's no doubt - one of us will get our wish. Either you will succeed, or I will fail. Or maybe, if we're lucky, we might be able to achieve the type of result where both occur at the same time. Regardless…" her voice drops to a whisper as she hugs me from behind again.

"I'll be watching with great interest."

And with that, Anshin'in disappears, and students begin to file into the room for class.


	5. Interlude - Taylor

**Taylor Hebert**

Summer Break of 2010 was a much welcome reprieve for me. A chance to be free of school - to avoid the bullying campaign that had been targeting me for the past year. And, given the sudden excess of free time I found myself with, I was able to spend my days sequestered in my room and the library, reading book after book.

The days blend together for the most part - occasional library visits, meals, and such - to be honest I don't remember most of those two months. Of course, there was a single exception. A day that stands out in my memory - not because of what happened at the time, but because of what it would come to mean for me.

It was an unusually cool day for summer - a cold front had blown in and as a result there was fog everywhere. A dull gray sky might be symbolic in books and other media, but it gets old after a few days - even if it is unusual for summertime. I was walking back from the library when it happened.

「Oh crap!」

I heard a voice from above, followed by a sickening squelch like a knife stabbing into raw meat. A second later, I heard the telltale crunch of splintering wood, and a noise like a sack of potatoes hitting the ground behind me. I turned around to look, and saw him. He was about a year younger than me, and was wearing what could be loosely defined as a cape's costume - a grey button up shirt and jeans, with a loosely fit tie and a harlequin mask. I recognized him, of course - one of the wards, Underdog.

He had fallen from the rooftops. That much was immediately clear. And on his way down, he appeared to have impaled himself on a small flagpole that had been sticking out of the building diagonally. The little flag had snapped off and was still embedded in his abdomen.

「Ah, man, that stings...」he muttered, rolling over onto his back. The way he talked was weird. That was what I noticed before even his injuries. Some intangible element of his tone of voice made me annoyed, like the nearly inaudible noise a dog whistle makes, or the slight grinding vibrations that ripple up your arms when you write on a chalkboard.

"Are you...okay…?"

The words exited my mouth unbidden, and I immediately regretted them. Of course he wasn't okay, Taylor, he'd been fucking impaled and fell off a building! God, I was such an idiot.

「Eh, more or less. Don't worry too much about me, I'm used to stuff like this,」Underdog replied. Was he… he was smiling.

Space at the edge of the building distorted, and for a moment I could clearly see the rooftop. A young girl stepped through the distortion. Vista, another ward - she had some kind of space warping power, or something.

"I told you you couldn't make the jump. Hope you're ready to pay u- oh shit that looks nasty." she said.

「Vista~! I dislocated both my arms! Kiss them better!」Underdog called from the ground.

The girl grimaced, and gave a small sigh as she walked over to his prone form.

"I'll do you one better. Hold still."

「One better!? You mean se-!?」he cried excitedly.

"Hell no," she replied, grabbing his shoulders and shoving.

Underdog stood up and swiveled his arms in a manner clearly meant to test their functionality, ignoring the small flag buried in his gut.

"Hey, um… you've… got a flag..." I muttered, pointing dumbly at it.

「What can I say,」he said with a shrug.「I took the pledge of allegiance to heart.」

I gawked at him. Was he seriously making making puns right now?

The cape chuckled at my reaction, at which point his stomach wound started gushing blood.

「Uh-oh. Laughing while this thing was stuck in between two arteries… poor decision on my part. Vista, give me a hand here?」

He yanked the flag out of his stomach, wincing a little and applying pressure to the wound. His companion grabbed his tie and pulled a strip of gauze out of it. She quickly wrapped the wound, tying it off.

As this happened, Underdog addressed me, smiling widely.

「So! Citizen! Is there anything we heroes can do to help you on this… admittedly not so fine… day?」

"...why?" I said, lost for words.

「Hm? Why am I asking if I can help you? Well, I'm a hero after all, even if I am a bit pathetic. This is my job, you know?」Underdog replied, still smiling.

That wasn't my question, of course.

"No… I mean… why are you smiling?"

「Well, it's like this,」he said, pointing a finger up and striking a lecturing pose. 「I'm the type of unlucky idiot that's fated to get crushed underfoot in this twisted world we live in. The absolute loser that all reality looks down on, that's me. So, knowing this, I figured - I should smile. Because even if it hurts, even if the rest of humanity is looking down on me - if I can still smile, then I haven't lost yet! 」

He struck a different pose, pointing up into the air with a hand on his hip.

「One who can gleefully take punches, and weather the unrelenting storm that he can't defeat - _that's what an Underdog is!_」

"Hey, stop flailing around so much, you'll mess up the bandages," Vista interjected, ruining the moment.

「Vista, posing is very important to my culture! Have some sensitivity!」The boy whined.

"And not having to carry you back to base is important to mine," she deadpanned. "Now let's get going."

「Eh? But what about… what was your name again?」

"...Taylor. My name is Taylor," I replied after a moment's hesitation.

「Right! What about Tay-tay here? What if this is a fated meeting, and this our chance to save her from a drug smuggling operation!?」

"...Tay-tay?" I muttered quietly.

"Underdog, don't give pet names to people you just met."

「Seriously though, it's getting late. Do you want us to walk you home or anything?」he says, his joking grin shrinking to an easygoing smile.

I looked at the sky. The sun was setting. "...if it's not too much trouble, yeah. I'd appreciate it."

* * *

**Vista**

As we left the Hebert residence, I glanced at Misogi.

"So what was that about?"

「Hm? Sorry, your question was pretty vague. What was what about?」He asked, giving his innocent smile. The same one he gives when he takes the last cookie, or disobeys a direct order. The patented Misogi "It's not my fault" smile.

It pisses me off.

"That was way out of character for you. Just last week someone asked you to help carry their groceries home and you called them a minor character to their face. So what was special about her? Don't try to bullshit me either. I know when you're lying."

His smile fell off his face, morphing into a scowl. He looked a good bit older like that - intimidating even.

"You couldn't see it? Dark, baggy clothing. Bags under her eyes. Alone, outside, in the middle of summer break. She didn't smile once, not even with our impromptu comedy routine."

He looked me straight in the eyes.

"She's damaged. Broken, or on her way there. So yeah. I felt a bit of kindred spirit there. I may be a crappy excuse for a hero, but if I'm gonna call myself Underdog I should at least try to help the downtrodden, yeah?"

I stopped and stared at him for a bit. It was easy to just shrug Misogi off as an idiot, with that constant smiling and joking of his. But… when he gets like this…

「Hm? What's with that look? Did I do it? Have you finally fallen in love with me?」

And then, the real Misogi Kumagawa was gone, hidden behind Underdog's smile like a second mask. I sighed, and let out a wry chuckle.

"It's nothing. You just almost seemed heroic for a second there."

「Eh? With a gross scowl like that on my face? Maybe you need your eyes checked!」

I laughed again. "Maybe I do."

* * *

**Taylor**

A few weeks later, summer was over, and I plunged headfirst back into the cesspool that was Winslow. I walked into my homeroom, to start the year.

"Oh my god, is that Taylor?! I didn't think she'd come back! Doesn't she know that no one wants her here?"

...I almost screamed. You know, I had hoped that they would forget about me. That the bullying would stop, and they would lose interest. Naturally, that wasn't what happened. To be honest I wasn't even that surprised. It was just…

Five minutes. They couldn't wait five goddamn minutes to start this shit again. I scowled and made my way to my seat.

* * *

The first day of my Sophomore year continued in that manner. Little snipes here and there in every one of my classes. I left the school that day with tears welling in my eyes and soda soaking my clothes. I arrived home, showered off, and flopped on my bed. This had to be the fiftieth time that Emma, Sophia, or Madison had "spilled" a drink on me. And that was if I was being conservative with my guessing. What the hell were they even getting out of it!? Were they tinker constructions powered by human tears? I just didn't get it! How could I even respond? How could I weather the storm?

_「If I can still smile, then I haven't lost yet! 」_

The words came to my mind unbidden.

That's right.

I could never win, wallowing in despair. Because the moment I lost the ability to smile, I lost.

I tried, and eventually I forced a smile onto my face. And I thought about the events of the day and it started to slip.

But then the realization hit. And I laughed.

It was stupid.

So _fucking_ stupid.

* * *

The next day I went to school with a smile on my face. There was soda spilled on my desk. I suppressed a giggle, and grabbed some paper towels to clean it up. The insults followed me through the day. "Taylor's a whore." "Taylor could never get anyone to like her." The contradiction made me smile.

_This was all so fucking stupid._

* * *

The trio escalated, of course. They couldn't get their jollies off of small comments, so they attacked me to my face. Pushes and shoves in the hallways, stealing my schoolwork, ruining my lunches, more soda and juice attacks. I gritted my teeth and smiled despite it all.

Well, except the soda. That I just chuckled about in private. _So fucking stupid._

* * *

I ate in the lunchroom the day before thanksgiving break. I had a goal, and I wanted it complete at a time where they wouldn't have a chance for immediate revenge.

Madison arrived just on time to coat me in soda, soon followed up by Emma and Sophia arriving to point and laugh.

They stopped laughing when I broke out into peals of laughter.

"Oh? What's this? Has poor Taylor finally lost it?" Emma asked, voice filled with mocking pity.

My laughter died down.

"N-no… it's just… it's so fucking stupid," I said, grin splitting my face, "This is about the hundredth time you've spilled soda on me or my stuff. Soda costs two dollars in the vending machine… you guys have spent two hundred bucks on this shit!"

And with that, I left for the break.

* * *

They stopped after that. Left me alone for a whole month. When I left for winter break, I left satisfied that my ordeal was over.

And then, when I came back, I found my locker full of rot, viscera, and insects. My smile faltered, but then it reasserted itself.

Did they seriously raid the trash cans in the women's bathroom for this shit!? It was so fucking-

And then I felt push from behind.

And the door was locked behind me.

This wasn't funny.

The bugs began biting.

This wasn't funny.

It hurt.

IT HURT.  
ITHURTITHURTITHURTITHURT  
_Like a toenail peeled away from the skin.  
_ITHURTITHURTITHURTITHURT  
_Like an open wound rotting in the sun.  
_ITHURTITHURTITHURTITHURT  
_Like a field of roses in bloom._

I screamed, _and the world rotted away._

* * *

I woke. My throat burned, cracked and raw.

_Water._

A straw met my lips and I drank greedily. Then the hunger set in - gnawing agony in my abdomen.

_Food._

I felt something move, and suddenly the straw was feeding some kind of fruit paste into my mouth. I didn't question it.

_So cold._

Something wrapped around me in a blanket, and sleep claimed me once more.

* * *

I woke again. Can't breathe. CAN'T BREATHE. My arm reached, straining as I touch my chest. I could barely move, I was so weak.

I was breathing. My chest is moving. But I couldn't feel it. I was breathing, but I was suffocating. I was breathing so why why why why-

Oh.

There was no heartbeat.

My heart stopped.

Please… no…

I didn't want to die. I didn't want die so MOVE YOU STUPID PIECE OF MEAT!

I felt a stab of pain as something pierced my chest. It started to pulse, and then I could breathe again, as sleep claimed me once more.


	6. Rafflesia 1

**Rafflesia 2.1**

I walk into wards HQ, tossing and catching a small screw idly in my right hand. Even now, two days later, I still have no clue how I'm going to explain my new powers to everyone. Therefore… I'll just not explain it at all! I'm still on console duty, anyway, so it's not like it'll be relevant for a while yet. The explanation of my new powers could wait until then.

Oh, right, I should probably explain a bit: after Anshin-in's sudden kiss attack, I was left feeling a little - weird. It didn't take very long to figure out that my power had evolved or something. So yeah, now I can make screws appear in my hands, resize them whenever I want, and also make them disappear. So that's cool, I guess.

It feels weird, to be honest. Not bad, mind you, just weird. Like there was something missing this whole time, and that missing piece has been filled in. A little bit of testing has confirmed that I've still got my old power, so I'm just gonna not overthink it.

Anyways, it's only been two days, but it feels like it's been months since I got this sudden powerup. Seriously, I'm going stir-crazy! Won't something extremely dangerous hurry up and happen already?

* * *

"We have an extremely dangerous situation developing right now," Armsmaster says, turning on the projector in the briefing room.

...What, seriously? That's all it takes? I just had to mention my boredom in my internal monologue, and it's solved not an hour later!? I want a refund! Give me back the time I wasted this past week!

...Gallant is giving me some serious side-eye. What's his deal? Seriously, I don't get that guy at all.

Unaware of my response to this news, Armsy continues. "The Butcher has been spotted in Brockton - apparently he approached Faultline over the weekend. Our informant at the Palanquin wasn't able to get any information on their deal, but we do know that Newter was spotted leaving town."

Yikes. The Butcher, huh? It could be worse - a group like the Fallen or the Nine showing up - but the Butcher is still an issue.

Sophia scoffs. "So what, he came into town to hire Faultline? She doesn't do jobs in Brockton, so I don't see how it's our concern."

「Hm? No, that's not the most recent Butcher's style - all the rumors I've heard say the new guy's a solo act. He killed most of the Teeth capes along with Butcher 12, and left the rest of the gang to the cops. People were expecting him to go back to normal Butcher pattern after a bit, but he's still just doing his own thing. Apparently he's acting like a stealth version of Crawler or something - he's low profile, but everywhere he goes the strongest capes are going missing or turning up dead.」I explain.

"...Why do you know so much about him? You a fan or something?" Sophia deadpans.

「Nah, not really. I was just doing research on getting extra superpowers recently - y'know, cuz mine suck - and I decided to do some research on how easy it would be to become Butcher 14. But,well, turns out he's got a crazy kill count, so I'd probably lose. Oh well!~」I say, giving a sad shrug.

...Why's everyone looking at me like that?

Armsy gives a bit of a grimace. Look at that, he can emote!

"Underdog, I'll be mentioning that one to Yamada," he says, before looking back at the group as a whole. "In any case, his analysis isn't wrong - our guess is he paid off Faultline to leave town, to lower the number of variables he has to deal with. First response from the Think Tank indicates he's looking for a fight with Lung or Overgrowth. Potentially both."

Hm. Yeah, that does sound pretty bad, huh? Collateral damage incoming~!

"With that in mind," the Tinker continues, "We'll be adding a patrol route around Overgrowth's containment wall, and Protectorate patrols near ABB turf will be doubled up. I'll make it clear, though - if you encounter the Butcher, you are to withdraw immediately and call for backup. This is an individual who regularly goes toe to toe with people on par with Lung. Treat him accordingly. That said, there is a chance you will encounter him, so we'll be going over his known powers."

He turns on the projector, and a blurry photograph of Butcher 13 shows up on the screen. It's from an awkward angle, but we can still see some of his costume. He's wearing a white button up shirt, which he has left completely unbuttoned, showing off a chiseled physique. A loose red tie hangs around his neck, beneath the collar of his shirt, and the shirt is untucked. His pants are some off-brand, torn skinny jeans, with a studded black belt.

His skin has a faint tan - Asian, probably, and his hair has been clearly dyed blond - I can tell because his roots have grown in a dark brown. His mask is looks like a pair of stylized bat wings with some black horns near the forehead, and I can't help thinking I've seen it somewhere before, but I can't for the life of me remember where. All in all, his outfit would be somewhat cool, but…

"That mask doesn't match the rest of the outfit at all…" Aegis mutters, to the sound of everyone in the room agreeing with him.

Armsmaster coughs, and starts to speak again. "This is the best photo we have of the Butcher's current appearance. For those who aren't aware, the Butcher is not a single person but rather a series of people who assume the mantle and powers of their predecessor after killing him. To put it clearly, if you kill the Butcher, you become the butcher - gaining his powers and the powers of all who came before him in addition to your own. However, this also comes with the previous Butchers' personalities being shoved into your head to yell at you. Considering all of them were violent criminals, this is a bad thing."

The projector changes slides to a chart - each Butcher's power next to a number.

"With this in mind, while no Butcher ever seems to have all his predecessors powers, this incarnation will have some combination of these," he says, withdrawing what looks like an extendable chalkboard pointer from the wrist of his suit.

"Butcher One had super strength and the ability to inflict pain from afar. Butcher Two could see living things through walls. Butcher Three could sense danger and had super strength of his own. Butcher Four caused any wounds he inflicted to fester. Butcher Five could produce an electrical charge from his palms capable of shorting out a neighborhood's power grid.

Butcher Six could teleport, leaving behind explosions, and had super strength. Butcher Seven was a Trump who could swap the powers of any two people in his sight. Butcher Eight could reshape unrefined matter into objects. Butcher Nine was another brute, who could also induce mindless rage in anyone he saw. Butcher Ten was some kind of Bio-Tinker, but we don't know exactly what his specialty was - he didn't last long and we haven't seen any of his successors make use of it. Butcher Eleven also had super strength, but no other powers, and her strength surpassed pretty much anything else we've seen. She died suplexing Behemoth. Butcher Twelve's power was durable skin and inability to feel pain.

Lastly, Butcher Thirteen. We aren't certain of his power, but it seems to revolve around giving Capes in the same town as him bad luck, or something. Wherever he goes, there's an uptick in accidents among capes - car crashes, falling off rooftops while on patrol, poorly timed illnesses, lucky shots from low ranking thugs hitting seasoned capes - stuff like that. With that in mind, everyone please try to be extra safe until we verify that he has been neutralized or left town."

Bad luck? Is that really a power that a Parahuman can have? Seriously, that's weird, right? Heck, how does someone weaponize a power like that to defeat the previous Butcher? It's kind of nonsensical, right?

* * *

In an penthouse apartment, a petite girl with mint colored hair lets out a loud, high pitched laugh. More of a cackle, really. She cuts it off as a blond boy enters the room. He's relaxed - calm and collected, despite the fresh bloodstains on the corner of his shirt from wiping his hands there, and the clearly tinkertech device he's carrying.

"Hoooh?~ You brought me a new toy, Zenkichi? How thoughtful!" The girl exclaims, hopping up and running over, attempting to snatch the device.

"Like hell! There's no way I'd trust someone like you with a tinkertech bomb!" The boy counters, raising it out of her reach.

"Hmph. How mean. So those guys you saw were planting a bomb, huh?"

"Yeah. Guess they figured they could get away with crawling around in vents in the middle of the night. What a pair of morons," Zenkichi says, flopping onto the couch.

"Ahahaha!~ They just weren't expecting your power to ruin their scheme, I think!" The girl giggles.

"I've told you already, Devil Style isn't that simple of a power - it's more complicated than that. Anyway, speaking of your evil cackle, what were you giggling at when I came in?"

"Hm? I was looking at the Protectorate briefing their people on you - they think your power gives people bad luck."

"Well, technically, it - Hang on, wait a second, they know we're here?" Zenkichi shouts, nearly dropping the bomb.

"Nah. They know you're here. Cuz you went to meet with Faultline, and an informant saw you. I toooold you we should have sent someone else!~" The girl chides, flopping down on the edge of one of the beds and kicking her feet.

"Someone else like who? We both know the spooks would have noticed if we sent anyone else - especially you."

"Mmm. I guess so. Well, what's the plan now? Do we pull out?"

"...We'll put off Lung for now. Focus on Overgrowth," Zenkichi mutters.

"The Heroes have added patrols around the vicinity. It's not going to be easy for me to sneak in. Heck, we're gonna need at least Elle for it to even be possible."

"Works for me. I'll just provide a distraction, you know? Raise a little Hell, show them why they call me… Devilman," Zenkichi says ominously.

"Nobody calls you that."


	7. Rafflesia 2

**Rafflesia 2.2**

「So yeah, with that in mind you should probably be careful. Dunno if he's gonna go after you or Lung, but you're almost definitely on his list,」 I tell the flower in the school parking lot.

Why am I talking to a flower, you may ask? Well, it's got a really weird eyeball-looking thingie in the center of its petals. Considering it sprouted out of this particular patch of concrete a few days after the Overgrowth incident, I've been chatting it up every now and then. Mind you, I don't actually know if it's a part of Overgrowth, but I've done more embarrassing things than talking to plants!

「Anyway, I gotta get to class, so I'll talk to you later! Have fun doing plant things, but try not to do anything that would get you slapped with a kill order.」

* * *

A few hours into the school day is when everything goes to hell. The PRT alert goes out informing all the wards that the Butcher has engaged Lung and the docks are on fire (again). That part's sort of to be expected - several of the adult heroes left town for a PR event. Before last night, all the adults were scheduled to go, and odds are that the Butcher is acting on that info. In theory, there shouldn't be anyone to interfere, what with all the wards being in school and such.

Considering Armsy and Miss Militia stayed in town, and New Wave was warned about this possibility, we won't even need to leave class. Hell, Lung's wounded anyways, and this Butcher is a solo act by all reports. Even with a skeleton crew, the heroes outnumber the villains in this fight.

No, the part of the day that really sends everything spiraling out of control is when, as lunch starts - some ten minutes after the fight at the docks began - the whole building begins to shake, with screams and the cracking of concrete echoing throughout the halls. I hear teachers and security guards shouting for everyone to stay calm, and to get under the tables for protection from falling debris. Then the lights go out, plunging the whole building into darkness.

Hang on, aren't there supposed to be windows in the lunchroom? Oh. There's a thick blanket of what I can barely recognize as vines draped across the windows. Which kind of makes sense, the bay is nowhere near a faultline (other than the cape) - there's no reason for an earthquake to occur excluding cape shenanigans, and the only cape in town nuts enough to attack Arcadia directly has got to be our nascent S-class threat, yeah?.

"Kumagawa, where are you going!?" one of the teachers shouts as I leave the lunchroom.

「No time to talk! I gotta go fight a plant now!」

The front door of the school is also covered in vines, but a quick oversized screw being speared through it solves that. I make a quick dash to where my flower friend was, and come face to face with what looks to be an oversized blend of a venus flytrap and pitcher plant - a cluster of human-sized green tubes, the ends lined with teeth. They lunge at me, and I respond like any sensible person would.

"Oh God, where did all these screws come from!?" screams Glory Girl as she is sent flying by my barrage of attacks. Huh, apparently she was inside one.

「My bad! Didn't think they were occupied!」I shout back.「What are you even doing out here?」

"We left early for a bank trip! One of them swallowed Amy!" she shouts, flying next to me as more mouthy plants erupt from the ground. Well, I didn't see any blood, so she's fine, right? "Also, what the hell was that? Where did you get all those?"

「I got a new power the other day,」I say nonchalantly, approaching the first cluster of plants. My screws dispose of the new sprouts, and I'm able to get a good look at the base of the toothy plants. Yup, the hollow portion stretches deep underground, and it's got a bunch of wiggly things in it to push things along.

"What do you mean, 'got another power'!?" she exclaims. "Did you second trigger during your fight with Lung?"

「Nah, it was the day after. Anyway, I'm gonna jump into this now, so good luck!」I say. I barely hear a shout of "wait!" and then I'm being shuffled down a tube by fluffy white filaments. Rescue mission time!

…

…

Man this is slow, though. Well, my phone is on me, so I've got some stuff I can do.

* * *

Me: "Hey Aegis, what's up?"

Big Guy : omw to arcadia. whats the situation there

Big Guy: also please stop putting quotation marks in your texts it bothers me

Me: "Eh, Overgrowth's attacking the school apparently. Sent a bunch of weird vore plants to attack the Dallons and wrapped the rest of the school in vines."

Me: "And no."

Big Guy: im not familiar with that type of plant

Me: "They have munchy-munchy bits. And their base is connected to weird tunnels full of filaments that drag anything they swallow off to who knows where."

Me: "Speaking of which, they swallowed Panacea."

Big Guy: that sounds like they counter your powers pretty hard, keep your distance

Big Guy: oh god. I really dont want amy to get digested

Me: "Well, things move through them pretty slow, so we've got time."

Big Guy: well thats g

Big Guy: how do you know that

Big Guy: underdog where are you right now

Big Guy: i swear to god misogi if you got swallowed by a plant monster im going to kick your ass

* * *

Me: "Vista, I'm bored! Entertain me!"

Smol: Look I'll be there to break you guys out in a bit, just as soon as I can sneak away from class.

Smol: Also stop using quotation marks in your texts. It looks stupid.

Me: "Wait, Aegis already told you?"

Smol: Told me what?

Smol: Oh my God.

Smol: Misogi why would you fight something like that, your powers don't do shit against them.

Me: "My _old_ powers don't do shit against them."

Smol: Your what

Smol: Did you just imply you second triggered

Me: "Nah."

Smol: Then what do you

Me: "I got kissed by a hot girl and now I can fight good!"

Smol: What

Smol: Who the hell

Smol: Putting that aside

Smol: Misogi, testosterone is not a superpower.

Me: "Oh hey, I think I'm reaching the stomach, gotta go."

Smol: ...Don't die.

* * *

**Incidentally, this takes place the same day of the bank robbery in Worm. That is also happening, but Misogi is a bit busy with other stuff.**


	8. Rafflesia 3

**Rafflesia 2.3**

The small shaft of light shining further down the tunnel from me grows brighter, and eventually I find myself ejected into a reeking pile of blackish-brown sludge. I stand up, trying to wipe myself off, but the muck is sticky as well as smelly. Well, the good news is, it's not melting me! It seems my guess that this was the stomach was wrong!

Looking around, I find that I've been deposited into a dense jungle - as I watch, new plants sprout from the ground and older plants wither and rot away, dissolving into the black sludge. Is it some kind of fertilizer, then? The new plants seem to be sprouting from it, after all. Either way it doesn't look like the foliage is a single organism - a massive Case 53 - like some had suggested. It looks more like some sort of wide-range biokinetic. Which does leave the question of why it hasn't left the former premises of Winslow, but I suppose I'll find out soon!

Speaking of Winslow, there's no sign of the building, even now that I'm under the canopy. I know I've been deposited in the containment area since I can see the walls, but where is Overgrowth himself hiding?

Well, more importantly, where the heck did Panacea go? I can see that one of the several filament filled tunnels behind me has shriveled up and died, so I guess she was in that one? Biokinesis and all that.

「Hey, Amy! You in there!? Yell if you're stuck in there!」I shout into the tunnel. In response, I get a shout from further into the foliage.

"I'm over here! There are more monster plants, so go get help! They seem to want to take me alive for some reason, but someone as weak as you won't help!" shouts the healer. I ignore her request, and run towards her voice. Now that I'm listening, I can hear louder rustling noises from that general direction than from the rest of the jungle, but the whole place is plenty noisy with all the plants and stuff.

I explode into a small clearing, where Panacea is grappling with several green humanoid forms, made of vines. As they attack her, they wither and die, but more vine men emerge from the forest even as the ones attacking her drop. Well, I can do something about that! I call on my power, and a ring of screws erupts from the ground around us, forming a ten foot wall to block any further interventions. The remaining plant men drop swiftly, and Amy grumbles, turning to me.

"...You aren't Kaiser," she says after a pause. "Where'd these screws come from?"

「New power,」I say with a shrug. 「I guess I finally hit a level-up off Lung!」

"What do you mean, new power!? You can't just…" she exclaims, grabbing my forehead. "Oh what the hell."

「What's so weird? It's just a second trigger. They happen all the time.」

"Yeah, but second triggers don't give you extra powers… and they sure as hell don't make you sprout an extra Pollentia!" She shouts.

「Eh? Seriously? Are you sure it's not just brain cancer or something?」I exclaim. The Corona Pollentia is the part of the brain responsible for powers, so it kind of makes sense I'd get a second one, but I've never heard of it happening before.

"No…" she mutters. "Honestly, your old Pollentia looked more wrong than this one. It was unusually small, especially for such a young trigger. The new Pollentia is more normal sized, but…"

「But what?」I ask, noticing her pensive look. However, she just shakes her head and turns away.

"Never mind. Just check in with me later. I think I noticed something weird, but I'm not one hundred percent sure yet. I need to give it some time first."

「Well that's not ominous at all!」I joke. 「Anyways, it sure seems like these guys aren't too smart, huh? They're still just beating against the wall - they aren't even trying to climb it!」

"Mmmm… well, from what I saw while touching them, they don't actually have anything like a brain. It could be that Overgrowth doesn't actually directly control his plants, he can just build them with pre-coded instructions," Panacea replies, tapping her chin.

「Well, in any case, you wanna go kick his ass now? He doesn't seem like the type to take no for an answer.」

"...Sure. The healer and the Ward with the worst combat record, versus Nilbog junior. What could possibly go wrong?" she snarks.

I chuckle.「I'm not hearing a no~!」

"...Oh what the hell, let's do it. I needed to blow off some steam anyways."

* * *

About three minutes of frantic fighting later, we arrive at the center of the Winslow Jungle. A mound of vines, clearly hollow, sprouting from what remains of the school. I cut into it with a screw, and we enter, finding ourselves face to face with a person. There's just one problem.

"Is she… dead?" Amy asks, and for a few seconds I'm not entirely sure.

An emaciated body, only barely identifiable as female, lies enveloped by a blanket of plant life. Several vines and stems of different plants are embedded in her body, most pulsing faintly. As Panacea speaks, though, the girl slowly shifts, looking at us. Her mouth stretches into a forced smile, but she doesn't say anything. One of the plants is embedded in her neck, so I guess it makes sense for her not to speak.

"Oh good, it has a hostage." Amy says with a scowl. The girl frowns, and shakes her head.

「Not a hostage?」 I ask, and receive a nod. 「Not a hostage, then. Amy, if you can get her free without killing her, I'll cover you.」Not that I'm expecting to have to do anything. After all, the pieces are starting to fall into place now.

"Oh God," mutters Panacea. "Late stage sepsis… multiple organ failures… extreme fever." She grimaces. "The plants are basically functioning as substitute organs. It's genius, but kind of horrifying. She's got an active Corona Pollentia, so… I'm pretty sure we've found Overgrowth."

「Sounds like no face punching today, huh? Well, I guess we know why she wanted to kidnap you,」I say with a shrug. 「Can you fix her?」

"...probably? I've never replaced this many organs at the same time before," she replies, glancing at Overgrowth - who, come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I've seen before. "Environmentally influenced changes that were present in your old organs are going to be gone, so you're gonna experience some side effects. Your metabolism might change a bit, food allergies you had are going to be changed or erased, and you might experience hormonal imbalances. Knowing that, do I still have your permission to heal you?"

She nods, and Panacea does her thing.


	9. Rafflesia 4

**Rafflesia 2.4**

As I watch Panacea's biokinesis repair Overgrowth's mangled body - normal human skin, muscle, and organs being created from the substitutes that she had created for herself - I stroke my chin. I am positive I've seen this girl before. As her emaciated form is restored to healthy weight, it finally hits me.

「Oh! You're that girl who saw me fall off the roof that one time!」I exclaim, slapping my forehead. 「Small world, huh? And here I was betting on the plant monster being a Case 53. Guess I owe Stalker ten bucks now...」I reply. Noticing a buzzing in my pocket, I pull out my phone.

「Ah crap, ten missed calls!?」I shout. I've got a few from Aegis, some from Vista, two from Glory Girl, one from Dinah of all people… and one from an unknown number. This call, however, seems to be from Armsmaster.

「What's up?」I ask, answering the call.

"Oh thank god," he mutters under his breath, and then speaks up a bit. "Underdog. Good to know you're alive. What's your situation? Is Panacea with you?"

「Uh, I think we've actually resolved this incident. Hey, Tay! You aren't going to attack us, right?」

"Uh... no?" she says. Her hand brushes against the plant-woven floor, and rot ripples through the vines, like a drop of black ink in a glass of water, spreading and wasting the plants away. "Uh, let me just… Alright, the plants should be dead now."

「Cool! Alright, Armsy, situation resolved. Seems like Overgrowth had a nasty trigger event and needed medical attention. We should be good now.」

"...Nice work, Underdog. Good to know at least _one_ part of this day is resolving well," Armsmaster says.

「Hm? How did things turn out for everyone else? No one's hurt, right?」I ask.

"Vista, Clockblocker, and Shadow Stalker cut communications after we refused to give permission for the Wards to breach Overgrowth's containment zone. Hopefully they're just acting against orders, but I'm still worried about it. What's more, the Undersiders chose today of all times to rob the Bay General. We rushed there after chasing off the Butcher, but a civilian pulled a gun before we arrived and things got messy," He explains.

I click my tongue.「Well that's no good. Anyway, you chased off the Butcher, but what happened to Lung? Did we finally nab him?」

"Lung is dead. I caught him with my new Tranquilizer formula, but one of the Bakuda bombs Oni Lee was carrying detonated prematurely somehow and killed them both. Goddamn novice tinkers..." Armsmaster says angrily.

Oh. Well that can't be good. 「So how long do you think we have before an all-out gang war starts? There's no way the E88 isn't gonna take advantage of this, right?」

Armsy sighs. "The threat of Bakuda might buy us some time. No one wants to invade the turf of a bomb tinker unpre- oh son of a bitch! Underdog, stay put and lie low until you hear otherwise. I've got to go." The call abruptly drops. Huh. Well, that sounds bad.

I address Panacea and Overgrowth, who I had wandered some ten feet away from during the call.「Armsy just said that we need to stay here and wait. Apparently Lung is dead and shit is hitting the fan.」

I get a couple of nods in response, and so I turn my attention to the missed calls. The first message I listen to is the one from an unknown number - but the message turns out to just be a high-pitched screeching noise, so I immediately hang up. Next up, of course, is to tell Vista I'm not dead - Armsmaster will have already told Aegis.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Underdog! You're ok?" Vista asks. "The plants are all dying, did you get him?"

「Eh, more or less. Situation's resolved anyway. Listen, Armsmaster was freaking out about something and told me to stay put, so tell Clock and Stalker to not run off anywhere,」I say.

"Uh… I can do that, I guess. But Stalker isn't with me. I brought Clockblocker to freeze you in case you were half melted, but as far as I know she went off to do her own thing."

「Huh. Well, see if you can reach her. I've gotta check in with Aegis and stuff.」I say. Course, that's a lie - I just don't actually have Sophia's phone number. She refused to give it to me.

Anyway, time to talk to Dinah!

...Her phone goes straight to voicemail. Must be dead. Guess I've got to listen to the message, then.

…

"Misogi. I'm about to be kidnapped," she states. Well that's not good! But hey, after I rescue her-!

"Do not try to rescue me. If you try to, you've got a 99.85% chance of death, and a 100% chance of failure. I've got a roughly thirty percent chance of ever being freed, and… and a five percent chance of seeing Mom and Dad again," she continues. I hear her choke back a sob.

"T-tell them I love them, ok?"

*Beep*

_"End of message. Press one to delete, two for next message, and three to repeat. Press four for more options."_

I exhale shakily. This is bad. I don't think I can find my smile right now.

"What's wrong?" Overgrowth asks, and I whirl around, an animalistic snarl threatening to tear out of my throat.

No.

Calm down.

Breathe. Breathe. I haven't failed yet. I won't accept this failure. I can't accept this failure.

The screws just below the surface of the ground she's standing on are dismissed, and I put an unconvincing smile on my face.

「My cousin has been kidnapped. I'm gonna go rescue her now.」I say, and I walk away from the two other capes, trying to ignore that I've got no clue where to start.

"Hey!" Amy shouts. "You can't just-!" and then a wall of screws cuts her off so she can't chase after me.

Now, where to start?

...Well, Tattletale was a thinker, yeah?

I come across Vista and Clockblocker on my way out of Overgrowth's containment area.

"Didn't you say we had to stay put?" Vista asks in a tone suggesting raised eyebrows.

「Well, Dinah called me. Apparently she's been kidnapped, so I'm gonna go beat up everyone responsible,」I reply with a shrug.

"_You're_ gonna go beat them up?" Dennis asks.

「Well, Dinah's newly developed thinker powers said that I've got a 100% chance of failure if I try to rescue her, so I figure I'll just take down everyone in the way and she can rescue herself.」I say.

"...Uh...huh," Clockblocker says, clearly dumbfounded at the brilliance of my idea. "Well, good luck, man. Stay safe," He concludes clapping me on the shoulder.

And then Vista and Clock teleport to different locations and I'm suddenly neck deep in containment foam. Right. Time stop. Forgot about that one.

**Author's note:**

**Unfortunately, ffnet apparently does not allow you to put in crossed out text. Kumagawa's last few lines were meant to look something like this:**

I'm gonna go -kill- beat up everyone responsible

I'll just -maim- take down everyone in the way


	10. Interlude - PHO

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**Topic: Salem, Massacheusets Attack (2009) [LOCKED]**

**In: Boards ► News ► Disasters ► Slaughterhouse Nine**

**Watcher** (Original Poster) (Verified PRT Agent)

Posted on March 11, 2009:

Salem just went off the grid. Cause unknown. Further updates to follow.

EDIT: Non-silicon based tinkertech communications have confirmed the blackout was caused by Shatterbird. The Nine are in Salem. Thread moved to appropriate subforum.

Casualty list follows, will be periodically updated as we know more.

**THE NINE:**

Jack Slash: Wounded, escaped.

Bonesaw: Escaped

Shatterbird: Escaped

Siberian: Escaped

Chuckles: Cut in half vertically, but half of his body went missing. Presumed stolen by Bonesaw.

EDIT (December 24, 2009): Not dead.

Scar: Escaped

Mannequin: Escaped

Crawler: Dead, killed by unknown Trump using Scar's power.

Hatchet Face: Escaped

EDIT (December 24, 2009):

Izanami (NEW): first appeared in Philedelphia attack, but recruited in Salem. Presumably responsible for Crawler's death.

**LOCAL HEROES:**

_Protectorate_

Cheeseman: Dead

Lady Ham: Dead

Fisticuff: Maimed

Babbage: Wounded

Pilgrim: Uninjured

_The Templars_

Reverend: Wounded

Inquisitor: Uninjured

_Independant Heroes_

Kool: Injured

Rocketman: Dead

**LOCAL VILLAINS**

_The Coven_

Hex: Dead

Cauldron: Dead

Qliphoth: Dead

_Independant Villains_

Cleave: Maimed

Mitochondrion: Dead

Phantasm: Uninjured

Rasputin: Injured

**(Showing Page 25 of 100)**

**► Qliphoth** (Verified Cape) (RIP) (Bet Exile)

Replied on March 12, 2009:

I'm not dead. My power connects me to all my parallel selves; I just lost my body in Bet.

The Coven agreed that if any of us died, the survivors would bleach and clean the dead one's skull and give it to their family as a memento. If someone could do that for us, I'd appreciate that.

**► MaxxPain**

Replied on March 12, 2009:

Ok but what about non cape casualties

anyone got info on that?

**► Watcher** (Original Poster) (Verified PRT Agent)

Replied on March 12, 2009:

NineFanNine: Mods have been notified. Fuck off, jackass.

Qliphoth: Gonna need some proof for that claim,but I'll let people know.

MaxxPain: Lots of dead people, even more injured people, some people turned into horrible flesh sculptures. We'll have an official civilian casualty list in a few days.

**► NNurse**

Replied on March 12, 2009:

I work in a hospital in Brockton Bay. Some kid just got airlifted in for medical treatment by Panacea. Looks like he somehow survived a Bonesaw operation.

**► Panacea** (Verified Cape) (New Wave)

Replied on March 12, 2009:

NNurse:

Yeah that was fucking horrifying. He'll live, but he'll probably end up in an asylum.

**► EyeSpye** (Unverified Cape) (RIP)

Replied on March 12, 2009:

Got some photos with a drone I sent over there.

Crawler's Corpse (Warning NSFL)

The other half of Chuckles (Warning NSFL)

Jack Slash losing an ear (Get fucked asshole)

A lucky photo of Shatterbird (NSFW)

Pic of the Nine leaving town

**► Sharktopus**

Replied on March 12, 2009:

EyeSpye: that Shatterbird pic 0_0

Edit: LMAO the photoshop on the last one.

**► EyeSpye** (Unverified Cape) (RIP)

Replied on March 12, 2009:

Sharktopus: That wasn't a photoshop. Chuckles really did that.

**► Bonesaw** (Verified Cape) (DO NOT REPLY)

Replied on March 12, 2009:

EyeSpye: Shatterbird says to set your affairs in order.

Also, I'm the one responsible for that, don't give Chuckles the credit! Do you know how hard it is to balance half of a human body with helium balloons? Let me tell you, it wasn't easy!

Panacea: Wait, he survived? Nice job, Misogi! I knew you could do it!

**► Devilman** (Verified Cape) (Butcher XIII)

Replied on March 12, 2009:

I've heard stuff about buying superpowers. Anyone who knows anything about that, let me know.

**THIS POST HIDDEN FROM NON-CAULDRON PERSONNEL**

**End of Page. 1, 2,3 ... 23, 24, 25, 26, 27 ... 98, 99, 100**

**Topic: Underdog (Not to be confused with the Undersiders)**

**In: Boards ► Places ► Brockton Bay ► People**

**Reave** (Original Poster) (Verified PRT Agent)

Posted on May 1, 2009:

Underdog is a member of the Wards here in Brockton Bay. This is his discussion thread.

**(Showing Page 3 of 100)**

**► XxVoid_CowboyxX**

Replied on May 3, 2009:

Look, all I'm saying is that it's no coincidence that a new Ward shows up just after that kid from Salem got discharged from the hospital.

I'm still surprised he wasn't sent to the Parahuman Asylum or euthanized. Isn't that the normal protocol for Bonesaw's victims?

**► Absolute_Loser** (S9 Survivor)

Replied on May 3, 2009:

"I can answer that one for you!"

"As far as Bonesaw's victims go, most of them have failsafes and self-destruction mechanisms stuck into them. I got lucky because the Nine had to pull out before she finished working on me. She didn't even do my brain yet, so I'm still pretty sane."

"In the end, I got a few tinkertech organ upgrades, so that's pretty cool. Still wasn't fun spending two months in the ICU before a viable healer was found, though."

"As for being Underdog, **[REDACTED]**"

**Please do not discuss Cape identities here - Tin_Mother**

**► Tumbles**

Replied on May 3, 2009:

Absolute_Loser: Dude, you don't put quotation marks in forum posts, that's weird.

Also, did Underdog just out himself?

**► Underdog** (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)

Replied on May 3, 2009:

Tumbles: "But I like using quotation marks! I feel like it helps give my posts personality!"

WagTheDog: "Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have dog powers at all. Just a weak thinker power that gives me an effective brute rating by letting me lose better."

"Essentially my power, while it won't let me dodge attacks, will help me turn a lethal blow into a flesh wound."

"Overall, my powers are super underwhelming with no offensive application! As expected, I lost the power lottery!"

"I wanted a name like 'Loser', 'Joker', or 'Minus', but PR rejected those."

**► Anshin'in** (Power Guru)

Replied on May 3, 2009:

Underdog: A power that's only applicable in a losing battle? How odd. Most powers have at least some offensive application.

Can you see the vital spots of others as well or can you just protect your own better?

**► Real_Eater** (Bagrat's Nemesis) (Thrives on Conflict)

Replied on Mary 3, 2009:

Anshin-in: There you go again, dispensing mysterious power advice. Inb4 Underdog comes back saying that he's actually a hyper-deadly combat precog.

On a different note, that introduction was ridiculous! "Coming straight out of your silver age comics, Underdog!"

I've got a pitch-tuned recording of it in case anyone wants a new ringtone! Hyahyahyahya!~

**► Fluffinator** (Youth Guard Rep)

Replied on May 3, 2009:

On another note, Underdog is only a year older than Vista. Why does brockton have such young wards? I can't be the only one disturbed by this, right?

**► Dumbellina** (Shipping Fairy)

Replied on May 4, 2009:

Wait, Underdog and Vista are the same age?

*Pulls up chart*

**► Vista** (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)

Replied on May 4, 2009:

Dumbellina: No. Just... no.

You haven't met the guy. I'm convinced he has a stranger power that makes him unlikable, because no one can be just that gross!

**► Underdog** (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)

Replied on May 4, 2009:

Anshin-in: "Nope, sorry! My power sucks!"

Real_Eater: "Hey! Don't laugh at someone's joke! That's the worst thing you can do as a person, you know!"

Fluffinator: "Don't worry, I'm a pretty durable guy, you know. Most injuries I get don't stick around long. It's not my power though, I just heal pretty fast. Perk of getting injured a lot growing up, I guess. My body started healing a bit faster."

Dumbellina: "I wouldn't really mind, but I actually fell in love with a different cape."

Vista: "Ouch! That really hurts you know! Don't worry too much though, I'm used to it."

**(Showing Page 86 of 100)**

**► Winged_One**

Replied on December 22, 2010:

Honestly, I'm pretty sure Underdog will never be relevant. Sure, he can serve as an adequate meat-shield for the other Wards, but it's only a matter of time before he gets himself killed doing that, and I doubt he'll ever accomplish much before that point.

**► bothad**

Replied on November 18, 2010:

Holy fucking shit.

Just watched Vista and Underdog bring down Hookwolf.

Footage here.

Fair warning, Underdog got pretty injured here. Not for the queasy.

**► Anshin'in** (Power Guru)

Replied on November 18, 2010:

Winged_One: Underdog is certainly a strange one. He's probably one of the weakest parahumans, but he's managed to survive up to this point despite getting into fight after fight. That speaks of a strange strength that most people overlook.

His power is abnormally weak - if I didn't know any better I would think he's a grab-bag who has been hiding half of his power. I wouldn't be that surprised if some extra power makes an appearance.

Edit: See, this is what I'm talking about. Despite his weakness he usually ends up pulling off a mutual defeat against just about everyone.

**► achtung_baby**

Replied on November 18, 2010:

See, this is why you don't sleep on the Underdog/Vista tagteam. Because the moment you do, Underdog casually kicks Hookwolf's core out of his body into a non-Euclidean cage.

Jesus Christ, though, those injuries look nasty. You think Underdog's going to be able to walk again anytime soon?

**► vistaXunderdog4lyfe** (Temp-banned)

Replied on November 18, 2010:

YES! FEED THE BATTLE COUPLE SHIP! YEEEEESSSS!

**► Dumbellina** (Shipping Fairy)

Replied on November 18, 2010:

Ewwww no. Vista/Gallant or gtfo.

**► Specific_Protagonist** (Cape Groupie)

Replied on November 18, 2010:

...I thought Gallant was with Glory Girl, though?

**► Dumbellina** (Shipping Fairy)

Replied on November 18, 2010:

Specific_Protagonist: No, you dope, Glory Girl is dating Dean Stansfield.

Gotta keep up with this stuff!

**► Clockblocker** (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)

Replied on November 18, 2010:

...Well, I know which two Wards are going to be on monitor duty for a month.

There's no way Console approved them fighting Hookwolf. Like, come on guys.

achtung_baby: Underdog and Vista have been working together for almost two years now. Their powers may not inherently synergize, but they make up for it in experience fighting together.

Also, Panacea is in Brockton. That's probably part of why Underdog is so quick to wreck his own body fighting, to be honest.

**► Miss Militia** (Verified Cape) (Protectorate ENE)

Replied on November 18, 2010:

To address concerns about Ward safety:

The engagement with Hookwolf was forbidden. Both Underdog and Vista will be receiving disciplinary action for this stunt. The Protectorate is NOT in the business of putting our Wards up against known murderers.

**Topic: Just the worst day. Ever.**

**In: Boards ► Places ► Brockton Bay ► News**

**XxVoid_CowboyxX** (Original Poster)

Posted on April 14, 2011:

This one's mine!

Brockton Bay daily thread, April 14th, 2011

Just another day in the Bay.

Edit: Jesus fuck that was terrifying. I will never look at salad the same way again.

Looks like today is a big day after all. Listing major events in order.

~9:30 A.M: A fight starts in ABB territory between Lung and the Butcher (when did he get here!?)

~9:40 A.M: Overgrowth breaches containment and attacks Arcadia High. No injuries, just property damage.

~9:45 A.M: Armsmaster and Miss Miliatia engage Lung, the Butcher, and Oni Lee.

~9:50 A.M: Armsmaster knocks Lung out. Oni Lee tries to save his boss, but he messes up with one of the weird tinker bombs he was using and kills the both of them.

~10:00 A.M: The Undersiders raid the Brockton General, taking a number of Civilians hostage.

~10:15 A.M: The Butcher flees the scene and escapes

~10:20 A.M: Someone pulls a gun at the Brockton General. Regent is shot, violence ensues. One of Hellhound's dogs is killed, the gunowner is put in critical condition.

~10:22 A.M: Armsmaster and Militia arrive at the bank, The Undersiders flee, Regent is arrested and sent to the hospital alongside the injured civilian.

~10:30 A.M: All of Overgrowth's plants die. Reason is still unknown. Shortly after this, someone posts the Civilian identities of the ENTIRE E88 in this thread. It's taken down, but screenshots have already been uploaded all over the internet.

~11:00 A.M: Bombs start going off at the abandoned lighthouse. Reason still unknown.

**(Showing Page 65 of 65)**

**► Bagrat** (The Guy In The Know)

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Abandoned lighthouse has been theorized as the base of the Merchants, a small-time gang of drug dealers. Not sure why Bakuda is clashing with them, though.

**► MaxxPain**

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Maybe she's trying to make them into minions. I know that's what I'd do if I was the only member of the ABB left.

**► Faultline** (Verified Cape)

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Well, I'm glad my crew is out of town ATM. Think we're gonna be staying elsewhere until the inevitable gang war dies down.

Stay safe, everybody.

**► Real_Eater** (Bagrat's Nemesis) (Thrives on Conflict)

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Y'know, I knew things were gonna escalate quickly, but this is kind of ridiculous.

Still wanna know what happened to Overgrowth, though.

**► Panacea** (Verified Cape) (New Wave)

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Turned out she acquired powers under particularly nasty circumstances. She was nearly dead, incredibly ill, and likely delirious, and wanted to kidnap me for healing.

I couldn't really blame her in this situation, so I patched her up and sent her home. On an unrelated note, Underdog apparently sprouted an extra Corona Pollentia, so that's weird.

**► XxVoid_CowboyxX** (Original Poster)

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Panacea: Corona Pollentia? What's that?

**► Panacea** (Verified Cape) (New Wave)

Replied on April 14, 2011:

XxVoid_CowboyxX: Ever heard of a lovely website called... "Google"?

I wanted to ask him more about it, but apparently someone kidnapped his cousin, and Clockblocker had to freeze him before he ran off and got himself killed.

**► Fang**

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Panacea: What ever happened to doctor-patient confidentiality?

**► Gallant** (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)

Replied on April 14, 2011:

Fang: Please, Underdog is gonna post here about it the moment he has spare time.

**End o****f**** Page. 1****, 2****, 3 ... 63, 64, 65**


	11. Interlude - Devilman

**Devilman**

Exiting the effects of Shiranui's power is always a strange feeling. It's tough to describe - but it's kind of like the feeling of popping a dozen joints you didn't know you had. A brief release, followed by a tightening feeling as you realize how stiff you were before. It's a bit of an annoying feeling. Still, I can't deny the results.

"So?" I ask her, sitting up on the hotel bed. "What's it look like now?"

"Mm. Well, By reducing the max clones to one, I managed to extend the time window to roughly thirty minutes. You won't be able to… Mm... use Spree's original power unless I set it back to normal, so keep that in mind," my partner replies in between bites of the pizza she's eating.

That's the reason I allied myself with Shiranui Hansode. I had planned on my vengeance being a one man thing, but her power just synergizes too well with the Butcher's for me to ignore - even taking into account the added issue of the mysterious Shadow Organization that kept trying to abduct her. Permanently altering the powers of others is strong enough as is, but when combined with the massive number of powers at my disposal, well…

Also, she was able to get rid of the previous butchers and tweak the power to be more useful to me in particular, so that's nice. Becoming a discount Glastig Uaine was a pretty strong step towards being able to take down the Nine.

"When the clone dies, any memories and powers it's holding will return to you. Unfortunately, you'll have to split the butcher powers between you. You'll both keep access to your original power, but the Sub-Agents within the Butcher Agent are a lot more finicky," She further explains.

"Ugh. I feel bad for clone me. He'd have it rough enough facing Lung with all of my powers. Don't see how he's gonna manage with half," I grumble.

"Oh?~ What ever happened to 'let's focus on Overgrowth', huh Zenkichi?" Shiranui smugs at me.

"Well, if I'm gonna be making a distraction anyway, I might as well do it by trying to kill two birds with one stone," I rationalize.

"You just want devil wings, don't you?"

"Hell yes, I want devil wings!"

* * *

Let it never be said that I don't like my original power. Devil Style is, without a doubt, my greatest asset. Its sheer versatility and effectiveness make it an invaluable part of my toolkit. No inconvenient twist of fate can ruin a well made plan - barring intervention of elements I'm not aware of. No immunity to inconvenience for my enemies. Civilians become more likely to take things into their own hands.

In short, the power can be summed up as "Life isn't a story, so it won't act like one when I'm around." Unfortunately, this can be a double edged sword.

For example: trying to find one specific parahuman in a city with a population well into the hundred-thousands. Lung can turn into a dragon, sure, but that doesn't make it easy to find him! Devil Style prevents coincidental meetings, so I basically have to run around trying to beat his location out of random gang-bangers til he shows up.

Of course, I don't necessarily need to take on Lung. The whole goal is to be able to smuggle Shiranui into the Overgrowth containment area and scout it out. If the plant cape is a Case 53, Shiranui can fix them with her power and presto, new minion. If it's just a Nilbog wannabe, then the real me can kill them, and then I have plant powers. Win-win.

Still, I want those wings, dammit!

Luckily, after about ten minutes of beating up his men and setting his casinos and such on fire, Lung finally shows his face. I was starting to get worried - I've got like ten minutes left til this body starts to decay, and twenty til I'm totally gone. But ten minutes is plenty of time to slay a dragon!

"Who are you?" he growls, already growing in size.

"Devilman," I reply coolly. "I'm here to-"

"...You mean like from the manga?" he asks incredulously.

"...That's the one," I reply, trying to keep my composure. "Anyway, I'm here to punish you for your laziness. A power that lets you go toe to toe with Leviathan, and you sit here in this shithole."

"Hmph. You don't know what you're talking about, _gaki_. My claws barely pierced the beast's flesh. It can't be done. The monster is undefeatable," Lung snarls, as steel scales begin to emerge from his skin.

"With that attitude, maybe. But if you're so intent on not making the best use of your power… _I think I'll take it!_" I shout, and then I explode.

"Na 'i!?" Lung shouts as his jaw starts elongating. I grab him from behind, and activate Five's power, releasing a massive jolt of electricity into his body. Lung howls in pain, but as I'm about to dig my fingers in and attempt to crush him, wings explode out of his back, knocking me away from him. Devil Style screws me yet again!

" 'ee!" Lung shouts, and Three's danger sense goes off. I teleport into the air above Lung as something detonates near where I had landed. Glancing over there, I see that the manhole cover and dumpster near the explosion have been drawn together and bunched into a ball of metal. Right, they had a bomb tinker, didn't they?

Exiting my teleport about five feet above Lung, I shift my center of gravity to my elbow and triple it using Eleven's power. My superweighted elbow connects with his neck, making a satisfying crunch, but Lung's head then rotates 180 degrees to spew fire into my face. I teleport away in time - thanks Three - leaving behind an explosion that knocks Lung flat.

I arrive next to the ball of metal, and Oni Lee appears next to me, two bombs in his hands. I touch the scrap, because it's now a 'unrefined material' and as such is a valid target for Eight's power. The metal erupts into a cluster of snaking wires - two impaling the bombs and sending them flying into the sky where one of them detonates into a _fucking Gray Boy bubble_, what the _devil_, and the rest of the wires shoot out in random directions to try and find the real Lee.

Lung lunges for me, but a few wires catch him, and I activate Five again, electrocuting him. He flails and spasms on the ground, but before I can get close the whole ally is filled with fire, melting my wires into an unusable mess. I teleport to the rooftop, and activate Two's power, to try and find Lee. I need to keep him and Lung in my vision for five seconds in order to activate Seven's power and swap their powers, which ought to end the fight. Unfortunately, just as I manage to lock down the real Lee, I get fucking _shot_, because Miss Militia has apparently arrived.

I teleport to dodge another tinker bomb that turns the ivy growing on the rooftop inside out, and fire off One's power at her, causing her to scream and duck behind cover. I teleport to the street below, to keep Lee in sight, and barely avoid a swipe from Armsmaster's polearm - when the hell did he get here!?

A five limbed, three winged, flaming Lung, who has apparently sprouted a second head, erupts from the sidestreet we had started our fight on, and I narrowly duck under a gout of flame. Three activates just in time for me to catch a syringe that Armsmaster had launched at me - oh boy, what a gift!

Lee appears next to me, but I explode first, destroying his bombs before they detonate. I appear next to Lung, counting on the fireproofing I'd done to myself with Ten's tinkering to give me a few seconds. I mash the syringe into his eye as far as it will go, before jumping and adjusting my center of gravity to my head for momentum.

Oni Lee teleports into the air next to me, but my own teleport is up again, and I blink to the opposite end of the alley from Armsmaster. Lung's second head spews a jet of fire at me, but he's already weakening from whatever elephant drug was in the syringe, so the fireball is small enough for me to dodge.

"Lee!" Lung shouts as he rapidly shrinks and starts to collapse. The Mover blinks next to his boss, no doubt to try to rescue him, but I've managed to keep him in sight for a full five seconds. I swap his power with Armsmaster, and when he attempts to teleport away, it doesn't work. There's a moment where he glances at me in what is no doubt shock and confusion - and then one of the bombs detonates. The two capes are transformed into ice statues, marbled with a silvery metal, which proceeds to ignite and explode violently.

There's a moment of silence, before Armsmaster points his weapon at me.

"Butcher-" he starts.

"Devilman," I correct him.

"...what?"

"The Butcher is dead. I'm going by Devilman now."

A pause.

"...You mean like the Manga character?" he asks. Idly, I note Lung and Lee's powers joining the rest of my abilities.

"That's the one," I reply with a grin. My phone buzzes, and I pull it out to glance at it.

_We're done here for now. Do what you want._ -Me.

"Well, it's been fun," I say. "But I believe my time is up."

And then I explode, teleporting into the still open sewer. I make contact with some molten metal that flowed into the hole, and use Eight's power to transform it into some bars that block the sewer entrance. By the time Armsmaster makes it through, I'll have already disappeared among the grime.


	12. Paperback Writer 1

**Paperback Writer 3.1**

"So," says Armsmaster through the loudspeakers in my containment cell. "Let me get this straight. Three days ago, you met an unknown Trump prior to class in Arcadia."

「Yup, that's what I said. She kissed me, and then presto! New Pollentia!」I reply, reclining on the cheap mattress they've seen fit to provide me with. Calling the Master/Stranger quarantine cells "spartan" is a charitable description. Aside from the mattress and bedframe, which are deadbolted in place, the room is completely empty. I understand wanting to minimize suicide risks, but it wouldn't hurt to give me a chair, right?

"And after this occurrence, you didn't report anything because-"

「I didn't want to deal with this exact situation, yeah. Look, can we hurry this up? I need to rescue my little sister!」I say.

Rory speaks up. Huh, he's here? I couldn't tell through the one-way mirror. "You don't have a little sister, Misogi," he deadpans.

「Not with that attitude!」I laugh.

"...goddammit," I hear Armsmaster mutter. "Underdog, assuming Dinah Alcott really does have a parahuman power, then you know that your efforts are certain to fail. As long as you insist on this course of action, we are required to keep you here for your own protection."

「Sorry, but that's wrong,」I say. 「Just because I'm certain to fail to rescue her, doesn't mean my efforts would be pointless. In fact, the way I see it, I'm the best shot we've got of making sure Dinah is rescued. 」

"...Explain," Armsmaster replies, and I can picture the scowl on his face.

「If I try to rescue her, I've got a near hundred percent chance of death. That means, I'm almost guaranteed to get close enough that the kidnappers are forced to kill me, right? Because no one's going to go out of their way to kill a ward, unless I give them good reason.」

"Misogi, that's not-!" Rory yells.

"And so what," Armsmaster interjects. "You still fail. One hundred percent."

「Yeah. _I_ fail. That's fine, though. I always lose, anyway. No, the truth is, all I have to do is make sure I fail in such a way that it becomes possible for _someone else_ to succeed. I don't have to win. _I just need to make them lose._」

"...But you still die," Rory says.

「Meh. That depends on what her power defines as dying. If it's just cardiac arrest, I can walk it off thanks to Bonesaw. Besides, it's only a 98% chance, right?」

They go silent for a considerable amount of time, and I get the feeling something is being discussed with the speaker off.

* * *

"Dammit, I'm still in the dark here," a corpulent woman says with a snarl. "Armsmaster, where's his phone? I need you to use that lie detector of yours and see if the girl really believes she has a thinker power."

"About that, Director," the tinker interjects. "I'm pretty sure the lie detector was damaged in my last fight. It's picking up everything Underdog says as 'false' again."

"Hmph. Is it still working for everyone else?" Director Emily Piggot asks.

"As far as I can tell, yes."

"Then pull up the girl's message. I'll take the odds that Underdog is an outlier," she replies. Armsmaster pulls out the phone, and starts the message.

A high-pitched screeching noise erupts from the phone's speakers, and Director Piggot and Triumph wince, covering their ears.

"Sorry, that was a spam message someone had left. I could swear I had deleted it, though…" Armsmaster mutters.

"Lovely," the Director snarls. "Now get the right one." She rubs her temples. Damn noise has given her a headache.

_Inside the brain of the PRT ENE director, sound waves echo, switching neurons on and off, changing their layout._

_Several miles away, Ajimu Najimi smiles._

* * *

"Underdog," says Emily as the speaker crackles to life again. She's here too? Man they've really pulled out all the stops, huh? "I've got half a mind to lock you in the console room and throw away the key."

I chuckle nervously.

"However. At the moment, we need all the hands we can get. I already made calls for support to other offices, but frankly speaking, we're about to get seriously fucked," she explains. "Someone posted the identities of the entire E88 online while the whole Overgrowth fiasco was going down. Lung and Oni Lee are dead. Bakuda was seen initiating a conflict with the Archer's Bridge Merchants. Shadow Stalker is still missing, and if what we've got out of Overgrowth was true, she's violated her parole."

"The Bay is set to go off like a powderkeg, and we can neither afford to have you going around playing detective nor sit around in a containment cell all day. I'm sympathetic to your situation, but we need to delay a full manhunt for Miss Alcott until things die down a bit."

「Fine, I'll play nice,」I lie. 「No running off alone to get myself maimed or killed. As long as you promise to get some out of town thinker on the problem.」

"We have a deal, then," she says.

"Wait, are you-!?" Rory yells, and then the speaker cuts off.

* * *

A few hours later, I'm released from confinement to rejoin the team. All according to plan.

...

Wait, what do you mean, I've got to wear a shock collar!? I may be a dog, but that doesn't mean it goes with my costume, dammit!


	13. Paperback Writer 2

**Paperback Writer 3.2**

Of course, I don't have any intention of playing nice and waiting to go rescue Dinah. Unfortunately, I've got several big barriers to doing so - the adults are keeping a close eye on me, not to mention I don't have a clue where to start beyond "ask Tattletale since she's a thinker". And I don't even know where to find her!

So with that in mind, I've got to bide my time, until the other heroes let down their guard. Luckily, I've got an inordinate amount of experience feigning normality, and so it's simple enough to plaster a fake smile onto my face and behave as if nothing's wrong.

「I'm hooome!~」I call out as I enter Wards HQ. Clockblocker, Aegis, and Browbeat are playing Mario Kart, Kid Win is fiddling with Gallant's suit again, and Vista is doing what I assume to be homework.

"No you're nooot!~" Clockblocker replies in the same singsong tone.

"You don't live heeere!~" Aegis adds.

「I'm being bullied! Ostracized! If this keeps up, I'll become a villain you know!」I say, flopping down on the couch near the TV. 「Anyway, can I get in on this?」

"You're just going to get angry again," Browbeat mumbles. "And then you'll spend the entire race sitting on an item box spawn point just so you can keep throwing blue shells at us."

「Oh, come on! Would I really do that?」I exclaim.

"Yes, you would," Aegis replies.  
"Yup," says Clockblocker.  
"Yes," deadpans Browbeat.  
"I can literally see you're lying," Gallant calls out.  
"I didn't hear what Browbeat said, but I agree," Vista says, not looking up from her homework.

...

「Thanks Kid Win! You were always my favorite!」I shout to the one non-bully on my team.

"Huh? Oh, uh, I agree with everyone else," he says.

「Gah! Et tu, Chris?」I moan, clutching my chest and feigning injury.

About then, the warning siren goes off, letting us know someone's entering. Those of us not wearing our masks grab them, and a few minutes later Miss Militia enters, followed by a tall black-haired girl in a domino mask. Oh, hey! It's-

"Team, this is Rafflesia," Militia states, and the girl gives a nervous wave. "She got powers a few days ago during the Overgrowth incident, and has decided that joining the team would be her best move. Please do your best to make her feel welcome."

Oh, so we're doing this, then. I guess no one other than Amy and me saw her face, but this is a dangerous game they're playing. How are they planning to make her out as separate from Overgrowth?

Aegis stands up and walks over to them. "Nice to meet you, Rafflesia. I'm Aegis, and I'm the leader for the next few months until I graduate. After that, Clockblocker will be in charge."

He offers her a handshake, but she stares at the offered hand and shifts nervously.

"I… probably shouldn't shake your hand. The "off" switch on my power has been kind of inconsistent, especially when I touch living things," she says.

"Oh. What is your power, incidentally?" Carlos asks, withdrawing his hand.

"I can turn anything my hands touch into… basically smelly black muck. Like, smelly enough to make people sick," she says. Wait, was I wrong? She sure looks like Overgrowth, but her power seems completely different.

"Neat. Does it make you sick too? If not, Armsmaster and I can probably whip up some fancy gas mask for your costume," Chris calls out.

"Not… anymore. It still smells shi- crappy, but my body's response to it has been dulled with exposure," Raffelesia replies.

「Hey, Kid, you never offered to make me a gas mask! What gives?」I complain.

"...Why would you even need a gas mask?" He asks in slight incredulity.

「Dunno,」I say, shrugging. 「I'm sure I'd think of something, though.」

Miss Militia sighs. "Moving on. There's going to be a big briefing in room 203 an hour from now, to set new patrol routes, since the situation on the ground has changed so much. Consider yourselves free until then, though."After receiving affirmation from everyone present, she heads out and leaves us to our free time.

「Hey, Aegis,」I say the moment she leaves the room. 「I need you to fight me.」

He blinks, and then sighs. "...what for?"

I toss and catch a screw idly.「In case you didn't hear already, I've got a new power now, so I probably ought to practice not killing people with it. I figure you're probably one of the better options for that.」

"Ugh. I can't say you're wrong. But if I end up bleeding everywhere, you're cleaning it up," he replies, and we head to one of the practice rooms. Fuahahaha! This is my chance! Now I can finally win a spar with Aegis!

* * *

"What happened to your face?" asks Rory as we enter the briefing room.

「Sparred Aegis. Once again, I couldn't win.」I say with a shrug. Today I learned: a cage made of screws only works if my opponent can't just punt one of the screws into my face. Good to know.

Looking around the room, it seems every Protectorate member is present, along with New Wave and most of the Wards. Shadow Stalker is still worryingly absent, but there isn't much to be done about that at the moment.

"Everyone appears to be here, so let's get started," says Armsmaster, flipping on the projector and dimming the lights. A map of Brockton is displayed on the screen, split into colored segments.

"Up until recently, the Bay has been trapped in a three way deadlock between the Protectorate, the E88, and the ABB. However, now that the deadlock has been broken by Lung's death, we need to be ready for serious violence to break out. What's worse, an unknown actor seems to be working to maximize chaos."

"As of 10:30 AM on Thursday, the civilian identities of all parahumans in the E88 were leaked online. The identity of the poster is still unknown, the account having been created only ten minutes prior. Needless to say, this puts them in a dangerous spot. The good news is, we'll likely be able to capitalize on this reveal and deal a serious blow to the Empire - potentially even push them out of Brockton for good. The bad news is, what remains of the ABB is likely thinking the same thing."

An image of a woman in a gas mask appears on the slide, in the ABB territory.

"Currently, the only remaining Parahuman in the ABB that we are aware of is Bakuda, who some of you may know as the Cornell Bomber. She started a fight with the Archer's Bridge Merchants Thursday, presumably as either a preemptive strike or a forced recruitment. We don't know who won their conflict, but worst case scenario is that she's forced three additional villains to work for her." Three mugshots of homeless-looking people appear on screen, and it takes me a few seconds to realize they must be capes.

"I shouldn't need to tell you this, but the fact that a gang based in the downtown area is now a prime target for a bomb tinker is likely bad news. As such, we're splitting our forces in order to perform two tasks - hunt down the E88 and prevent the ABB from doing the same."

The screen changes again, displaying two columns with various hero names under them.

"We'll be splitting our forces in a way that will try to optimize the power matchups in the event of confrontation; I'd like to thank New Wave for working with us on this. Because a significant portion of the Empire capes can fly, we'll be preferring the use of ranged and flying capes in that portion of the operation."

"The patrol squads we'll be using are Photon Squad, members Lady Photon, Laserdream, Shielder, and Glory Girl; Militia Squad, members Miss Militia, Kid Win, and Aegis; and Dauntless squad, members Dauntless, Triumph, and Gallant. We're trying to get an affiliate named Dovetail to help us on this, in which case she'll be joining Dauntless squad. In addition, most of the PRT forces will be working on this portion."

"The squads we'll be using against the ABB are Brandish squad, members Brandish, Flashbang, and Manpower; Assault squad, members Assault, Vista, Underdog, and Rafflesia; and Battery squad, members Battery, Browbeat, and Clockblocker."

"Velocity and I will be standing by to serve as emergency reinforcement to anyone who gets into a fight, along with Dragon, who has agreed to send a suit to help us."

"Any questions?" he concludes.


	14. Paperback Writer 3

**Paperback Writer 3.3**

We're the last group to leave the next day - Rafflesia's costume, scheduled to arrive around noon, wound up delayed by several hours, thanks to a power failure at the production facility.

The costume in question looks rather alien in design. Her torso is covered by a brown bodysuit, patterned as if it were made up of a myriad of interwoven roots. The sleeves and leggings of her costume are green, giving way at the joints to long white flowers which flare outwards at her wrists and ankles. Her gloves are red - seemingly designed after the Rafflesia flower itself, with a hole at the center so she can use her striker power. Her mask is another oversized flower - a tulip, I think? - with colored lenses embedded in it to allow her to see.

And her shoes are ordinary combat boots, with a coating of green paint. Well, function over form, I guess. Speaking of which…

「Hey, there's at least a little kevlar in that thing, right? I mean, I guess you can grow replacement organs, but my impression was that those weren't super reliable.」I quietly say to her after she joins me in the common room. The other teams have already left, and Vista's currently in the console room, so I figure I'm not really letting any cats out of bags here.

She gives (what I presume to be) a nervous look around, and then relaxes a bit. "So you did recognize me, then?"

「Well, it's not that surprising. Domino masks don't really hide much if you've seen the person out of costume, you know?」

She gives a dry chuckle. "I guess so. To answer your question, I've actually got some live plants woven into this thing, and I was able to make them pretty durable. The world's hardest wood takes more than four thousand pounds of force to penetrate, and most guns don't exactly put out that kind of power."

「Neat! That sounds like a statistic taken out of context that's probably incorrect in reality, but I'll take your word for it!」

* * *

"You added a collar to your costume," Assault remarks to me as our team leaves the PRT HQ. "Finally decided to go all in on the dog theme?"

「Nah. Emily said I'm running off alone and injuring myself too much, so now I get to wear my own personal taser,」I explain.

"...Didn't one of those 'upgrades' you got from Bonesaw make you super resistant to electricity, though?" Vista interjects.

I chuckle.「Yeah, yeah it did.」Not that it matters. Armsmaster designed this thing, so there's gotta be a redundancy or twelve built in.

"I don't think that one's on your file, 'dog," Assault says with raised eyebrows.

「Call it a maiden's secret!~」I quip, winking at him.

"Wait, hold on, what was that about Bonesaw?" Rafflesia asks, voice cracking.

「I had a brief stint as a meat splatter during the Salem attack two years ago. Not a great gig, wouldn't recommend it. Still, I probably owe my life to Bonesaw a couple times over. Tinkertech organs are pretty useful, y'know?」I reply with a shrug.

"Or maybe you would be more careful with your body if you didn't have them, instead of constantly injuring yourself," Assault deadpans. "Anyways, kiddos, our target for tonight is the abandoned lighthouse near the docks. Velocity already gave the place a once-over and said everyone cleared out, but the Crime Scene Analysts want us to accompany them just in case."

"So just guard duty, then? I thought we were supposed to be taking the fight to the gangs," Rafflesia complains.

"Oh, sure, we'll be doing that. Issue is, we've got no idea where they are aside from their vague 'territory' - and on top of that, we still don't know what happened between the ABB and the Merchants. There hasn't been fighting in the streets, so one of the gangs must have won - but we don't know who, and that's why we've gotten the CSA involved."

"...fair enough," she concedes.

* * *

And that's how we found ourselves in a police van headed to the abandoned lighthouse, just in time for rush hour.

「Hey, Raff, wanna play I spy?」I ask about an hour into our agonizingly slow drive. We've just exited the highway, meaning we've finally got varied enough scenery for the game to work.

"Uh… sure?" she replies, confused.

"Don't do it," warns Vista. "You're new so you don't know, but rule number three of surviving in the Brockton Wards is 'don't play games with Underdog'."

「Okay, I'll start!」I say, ignoring the Shaker entirely. 「I spy with my little eye, something... gray!」

"...the road outside?" she asks, somewhat uneasily.

「Nope, it was the wall of the van. Next one! I spy with my little eye, something... gray!」

She sighs. "The floor, I guess?"

「Close, but no! It was the wall of the van again. Next! I spy with my little eye, something... gray!」

"Oh my god…" Vista mutters, head in her hands.

「No, it wasn't God. It was the wall again. I spy with my little eye, something... gray!」

* * *

We arrive at the abandoned lighthouse about thirty minutes later. The smells of rust and salt water assail my nose as we make our way up a half-collapsed stairway to the cliff the building is situated on. It would be pretty perilous if not for Vista.

There turns out to be another path leading up the cliffside, a makeshift ramp of corrugated steel, no doubt built by the merchants, that leads down to the boat graveyard. Would have been nice to know that was there - we could have driven up instead of using those crappy stairs.

Eventually, we reach the door, which is near impossible to move from its frame - since the metal making up the frame has rusted in such a way that it's nearly fused with the door itself.

There's a large hole that's been gouged in the wall near it, but it seems like it's impossible for us to safely get through because… well, there's a bubble of stopped time, reminiscent of the powers of a certain Ex-Slaughterhouse member

「...I spy with my little eye -」

"Not funny, Underdog," Assault says, sighing. "They had to get out afterwards, right? There's probably another entrance somewhere. Spread out and search, guys and gals."

"No need," says Rafflesia as she steps past him, resting her hand against the door. Black and dark green coloring, flecked with red spots, spreads out from her palm. A few seconds later, the door collapses into a pile of sludge.

"Christ that reeks…" mutters one of the CSA technicians that had come with us, and he's not wrong. It's like someone decided to take mildew, rotten plants, and week-old prosciutto and blend them together, followed by topping it in a coating of maple syrup. I gag a bit, but manage to keep my lunch down - a couple of the technicians aren't so lucky. Almost everyone is coughing, eyes watering.

「Let me see if I can...」I mutter, and then the rot is buried, driven into the ground by a mass of screws. 「There we go! You guys good?」

Assault finishes coughing. "Y-yeah. Kids, stay out here. Don't want you getting traumatized if things are super messy inside."

He and the Police crew enter the building, and the rest of us are left to wait.

There's a few moments of near silence - Vista is coughing still, and I pat her back until she stops.

"Ugh. I left my water bottle back in the van. Gonna go grab it." she says, before heading down the stairway.

「Have fun! Stay safe!」I call out after her, receiving a look in response - probably a glare, though her visor makes it hard to tell.

Several minutes pass in silence as we watch Vista walk down to the van.

…

「So,」I say.「You come here often?」

Rafflesia stares at me.

「You know I can't see your face, right? Whatever facial expression you're trying to convey, I can't see it.」

"...It was supposed to be-" she starts, but I can't hear the rest of her sentence because I'm too busy getting hit by an invisible car.


	15. Paperback Writer 4

**Paperback Writer 3.4**

I don't think it needs saying, but getting hit by a car isn't an experience I'd recommend. Luckily, it's not moving all that fast, so I'm merely knocked over and bruised a bit. Now that I'm right next to the thing, I can see and hear it - whatever stealth tech Squealer installed in the thing doesn't work this close.

The vehicle itself is hideous - a mess of sheet metal, rivets, and rust, built around the skeleton of an old jeep. There's some sort of gun mounted in the back, but no one appears to be manning it at the moment.

「Well that was rude!」I exclaim, rolling out from beneath the car. Unfortunately, this puts me outside the invisibility field, and I lose sight of the vehicle.

I attempt to approach it, but a dark-skinned man in a ratty blue jumpsuit leaps out of the field, delivering a flying knee to my jaw. He grins a gap-toothed smile at me, and I grin back, mostly because I just saw Rafflesia disappear into the invisibility field behind him.

"Do I look," he says, cracking his knuckles, "like someone who gives a flying _fuck_ what's polite?"

I close my eyes and shake my head, giving a small shrug. 「I guess not. Don't know what I exp-」I'm cut off by a sucker punch that I barely dodge. 「Hey! Talking is supposed to be a free action, you know! I'm the only one allowed to take cheap shots when people try to monologue!」

Screws start erupting from the ground around Skidmark, but he reacts too fast, and the small boost in speed from his fields allows him to avoid them.

"The hell are you even doing out here, Underpants?" he asks. Is that really the best insult he can think of?

「I've always thought that people who need a_ reason_ to do things are pretty boring. I'm just doing what I want, y'know?」I quip back.

He smiles. "Well, I guess that makes us two of a fuckin' kind, huh? After all, I don't need a reason to fuckin' _waste_ your ass!"

His boot, glowing purple at the tip, narrowly misses my shin as I jump backwards, unleashing a salvo of screws. Unfortunately, he flicks his wrist and a faintly visible distortion in the air sails past me during my jump. The ground beneath me starts glowing as I land, sending me sprawling.

He walks through my barrage, the screws meant to pin his costume to the ground instead grazing and sliding around his body, due to him applying one of his fields to the suit. His boot connects with my face as I start to stand up, and I feel my nose break.

"Quit lookin' down on me, Fuckerdog. Trying some pussy shit like screwing my costume to the ground! I've been the Merchants' boss for goddamn _years_, kid. I didn't get here by being a pushover!"

Well that's not good. Seems that the less dangerous applications of my screws don't really apply here. And while in_ theory_ I could just launch a bunch of screws out of the ground beneath him and kill him dead, It's not exactly an option, practically speaking. I'm trying to get _off_ Emily's shit list, and killing people is really not the way to do that.

Something small and round is launched out of the invisibility field, and impacts the bubble of stopped time. A burst of noise - it sounds like someone took electric guitar feedback, turned the volume to max, and bass boosted it - erupts from the site of impact, followed by the barely audible sound of a soap bubble popping, as the time stop is broken.

"Heh. Looks like bomb bitch did it, then. Mush, get your ass out here! I didn't come all the way here and bust you out for nothing!" Skidmark calls out, before turning back to me. "Now, where the hell was I?"

He jumps out of a circle of screws as they erupt from the ground around him, using his power on his cape to give himself extra lift.

「We were discussing the terms of your surrender,」I reply as he lands atop one of the oversized screws. Hey, he's supposed to be high off his mind half of the time, maybe he'll buy it.

"Nah, that doesn't fuckin' sound like me. Now I remember, though - I was about to teach you some bloody_ respect_."

He pulls some pebbles out of his pockets, and as he throws them with a flick of his wrist, they start to emanate the same purple-blue glow that his power gives off when applied to something. Whatever gimmick he's trying to pull, I'm gonna take advantage of it; I'm already charging him as he reaches into his pockets, and by the time he's thrown the rocks I'm almost upon him. I send screws to intercept his projectiles, and have another emerge beneath my feet to launch me into the air. I dismiss the screws he's standing on, and he falls flat on his face.

Skidmark whips his hand out, and hits my screws with his power. There's a screech of twisting and tearing metal as the rocks and screws impact, and both sets of projectiles are torn apart in a spray of shrapnel and stone. I dismiss the screws before they can hit me, but getting peppered with rock still isn't fun, and I'm knocked down as well. There's a natural lull in the fight as we both stand up, and I try to take account of the situation.

Vista's probably on her way back, and Rafflesia is pretty clearly doing something inside the invisibility field - hopefully she's okay, it's not like I can tell right now. Judging from the loud noises echoing out of the lighthouse, Assault has probably engaged Mush in order to protect the non-combatants. In a situation like this, the responsible thing to do would probably be to delay until Vista arrives, but...

"Well," Skidmark says, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Didn't know that was how that shit worked. Good to fuckin know I guess."

「So this is the power of learning!」 I say, earning a scowl from him. 「Anyway, just to confirm… you guys are working for the ABB now, huh?」

"Nah. Bomb bitch changed the name. I don't fuckin' remember it, though - was long as hell. Anyway, you're fuckin' wrong - she's workin' for me. She's just too batshit to notice," he says with a smile and a shrug.

「Feel free to tell yourself that,」 I snark. 「Forgive me if I don't take the word of a guy who's so dumb the PRT dropped his threat rating cuz he's just that bad with his powers.」

"Powers, huh? That's what it comes down to, powers? Lemme explain something to you, Fuckerdog, superpowers don't mean shit. I've been dealing in the bay for_ twenty goddamn years_ and you know what I saw? Powerful capes die - or worse, get fuckin' _birdcaged_ \- just like anyone else. Marquis. Allfather. Iron Rain. Lung. Kaiser, soon. I've outlasted them all, and you wanna know the secret? The secret is that powers _don't change a goddamn thing_. Bomb bitch wants to play big gang boss, thinks her powers make her hot shit? I'll play along. And a week, a month, a year from now, she'll bite off more than she can chew, and end up dead."

「And then you take the city, huh?」I ask, keeping a close eye on his hands. He's got another round of rocks prepared, and he no doubt knows I've got another salvo of screws ready. But neither of us will be able to score a solid hit without the other opening fire first. Stall for Vista it is, I guess.

"Take the city? _Now why in the hell would I want to do that?_ The fuck am I gonna do with the whole city? You don't get fucked up on drugs as often as I do without knowing a fuckin' thing or two about safe doses, and power over a city is _not a_ _safe fucking dosage_. Nah, I'll survive, and keep my fuckin' head down, same as I always have. And when you get yourself killed fighting Leviathan or some shit, _I'll still be here_," he hisses, and then wrinkles his nose. "Speaking of your rotting fucking corpse, what the shit is that smell?"

It's about then that the stealth field on Squealer's vehicle cuts out, revealing the tinker in question, unconscious and covered in vomit, sunken a few feet into a mass of greenish-black rot. Here and there, scraps of sheet metal can be seen sticking out of the sludge. Rafflesia stands atop the whole mess, not sinking an inch into the slime her power created. Notably, the wood making up her costume is splintering in a number of spots.

"Sorry for the wait. She had some kind of steam powered super strength glove, which made things a bit more painful than expected," Rafflesia explains.

"Well that explains why she didn't just shoot this one…" Skidmark mutters to himself. Hey, was he trying to stall too? That's hilarious!

Speaking of my own choice to stall, Vista picks this moment to finally return, and promptly spews water from her mouth upon seeing the situation.

"What the fuck!? I left for five minutes!"

「So, uh, yeah. Skidmark, you're under arrest now,」I tell the now profusely sweating villain.

"Underdog, your voice is all weird. You break your nose again?" Vista asks.

「Yup. Help me set it?」I ask, fetching a plaster from one of the hidden pockets in my costume.

She grimaces. "Fine. You owe me, though."

「Owe you… a date?」

"Hell no. Not even once."

「Ah… how cruel. I'll go villain, you know? I'll seriously turn evil!」

"Do we even have the authority to make arrests…?" Rafflesia mutters.

Vista opens her mouth to respond, before getting a thoughtful look on her face. "You know… I don't actually know? I'm pretty sure we need to get Assault to do it, technically speaking."

「Speaking of Assault, I think he's still fighting Mush. Should we… help him with that?」I ask.

"He's probably got it handled, but we should at least get the non-combatants out." Vista says, and we approach the lighthouse.

Only to get knocked aside as a small fat man, nearly naked, bowls past us and dives into the rot created by Rafflesia. The sludge shifts, taking a vaguely humanoid form - and then abruptly collapses as the man falls to his knees, vomiting profusely. Assault leaps out into the daylight a moment later, relaxing as he takes in the situation.

"Huh. That'll do it, I guess. Every merchant cape captured! Go team!"


	16. Interlude - Bakuda

**Bakuda**

Even through the video feed from my drone, the explosion is just as beautiful as I had expected. A bomb that transforms all organic matter in the blast area into equal parts sodium and ice, resulting in a secondary explosion that made sure my victims were good and dead - truly, it was a work of genius. Truly, I, Bakuda, am the greatest tinker in existence. Even with his brute abilities, there was no way the Butcher could survive it. There's just one problem.

The blast hadn't hit the Butcher. It had hit Lung and Lee.

"_Shimatta_," I mutter.

This is fine. Everything is _fine_. You can do this, Alice. You're a genius, after all. Hell, this is a turn of good fortune for you! You're the new boss!

Oh who am I kidding, I'm so unbelievably fucked. If it had just been one or the other to die, the ABB would still be in a tenable situation. If only Lee had died, we'd still have the deterrent of Lung. If only Lung had died, then I'd still have the world's only serial suicide bomber at my disposal - I'm sure I could have controlled him, the guy was kind of a dumbass. But no, Lee had to go and blow both of them up when he… forgot to teleport or whatever happened.

And so now I was in charge of a gang with not even a hundred members, _without_ the threat of a dragon to back me up.

...I'm gonna need more capes.

* * *

Right, so step one: the Archer's Bridge Merchants. The druggies have been lurking in what's basically our territory since… who knows when. They have three capes, all of whom are pushovers right now. Luckily, this means it'll be child's play to threaten them into joining my gang. I mean, who the hell is Skidmark going to go to for help, _Kaiser?_

They're set up in a shitty abandoned lighthouse, just outside of the Boat Graveyard. I didn't realize they had set up a ramp to get up here, but I guess it makes sense - that staircase wasn't one I'd want to climb sober, let alone blasted out of my mind on whatever drug they're selling today.

My soon-to-be minions don't even have time to cry out before my knockout bomb goes off, and no one inside can hear because of the sound dampening functions I built into the thing. Sure, it takes away from the _glorious_ joy of the explosion, but stealth is important to make sure they can't get away. I toss my "vehicle disabler" bomb into the bed of Squealer's hideous monster truck - seriously, why replace your tires with lawnmowers?

Well, awful aesthetic choices aside, her machine's gonna be hideous in an entirely different way soon. Setting the timer for thirty seconds, I step away and fire a rust bomb into the side of the lighthouse. The wall it hits corrodes away in an instant, and the wide area its secondary effects can reach means their guns are gonna be fucking_ ruined_. Grinning beneath my mask, I step forward into the lighthouse as the vehicle disabler detonates and her car shakes itself apart. The magnetic centrifuge bomb was a pain to make but the result is just so_ fucking magical_ to watch.

"Congratulations, fuckers!" I shout as they pull guns, only to find them non-functional. "You work for me now!"

"What the fuck do you-!" Smoosh - or whatever his name was - starts to shout, but I cut him off by shooting him with my bomb launcher, trapping him and a few guys unlucky enough to be nearby inside a time bubble. The time stop doesn't make a sound as it takes effect, trapping even the sonic waves inside - God, that effect is so beautiful that it never fails to give me fucking _shivers_.

"No talking back! As of today, you are all proud members of Bakuda's Overwhelmingly Overpowered Minions - BOOM for short!"

Skidmark sighs, taking a deep drag of whatever he's smoking. "...Sure, why the hell not. Just come in here and fuckin' trap people in a Gray Boy bubble. That's the fuckin' way to make new friends."

"Please, not like I can't get them out. Just had to show you lot who's boss is all," I reply. "Actually, I've already got the design for a bomb that breaks time bubbles in my head - truly, I am a genius! Hell, after I become the undisputed queen of the eastern seaboard I can rescue Gray Boy victims to show what a merciful ruler I am! Fuahahaha!"

…

…

"Give me some applause or I'll blow you all the fuck up."

* * *

The ABB mooks are all flipping out as I enter the usual meeting place. It's understandable - Lung kicking the bucket was something no one saw coming. For a bit I had contemplated implanting bombs into the lot of them to keep them in line, and to help me stay unpredictable, and to establish a rule of fear, like Lung taught me. But then, look where his fancy philosophy got _him_. Dead. That's where. For all his talk about how he knew what he was doing, he ended up getting his ass handed to him by some random motherfucker in a Devilman costume of all things! What kind of fucking dork-?

Anyways, I'm doing this _my_ way! I, Bakuda, shall rule Brockton Bay, and it won't be as a Lung copycat! It will be as a genius empress of explosions, time stops, and more explosions!

The minions turn towards me as I enter, begging for direction.

"Bakuda! What are we going to do!?" "Bakuda, what will become of the ABB now!" "We'll all be killed by the E88!" "We're doomed!" "Save us, Bakuda!"

Honestly. These no-names are so helpless~.

"Sama," I say, and they fall silent, looking to me in confusion. "Call me Bakuda-_Sama_. Actually, make that Bakuda-_Heika_. Fuahahaha! But! Worry not, my adorable, pathetic, _squirming_ little minions! For, I, Bakuda, have already secured more forces to assist in our inevitable defeat of the Empire! As of today, I have 'convinced' the Merchants to work for us, and I'll be swinging by Somer's rock to see if I can pick up a solo villain or two later."

The minions mutter amongst themselves worriedly. Eventually, one speaks up. "Aren't we supposed to be the 'Azn Bad Boys', though? Isn't recruiting a bunch of non-asians - "

"No!" I interrupt. "The ABB is dead. And as of today, you are all proud members of Bakuda's Terrifying, Overwhelmingly Overpowered Minions - BTOOM for short!"

"What the hell!?" some guy with only one eye protests. "We've been called the ABB since before Lung was here! You can't just-!"

I point my grenade launcher at him. Honestly. Like I'm gonna take that shit from a fuckin' cyclops. One of his friends notices and covers his mouth, but it apparently hasn't clicked in the dumbass's head yet.

"Hey. One-eye. What's your name?" I say, as I push a bomb into my launcher's barrel. He finally cottons on and shuts the fuck up, but it's too late now.

"I said, what's your name, motherfucker?" I smile behind my mask as he swallows nervously.

"L-lao, _heika_. My name is Lao."

"Well then, Lao. I'd suggest you watch your tongue, Lao. Because, Lao, I'm a bit tense with all the shit going down. My trigger finger's getting a bit itchy, Lao. And, Lao, shouting at me might startle me a bit. And then you might end up being reincarnated a smelly puddle on the floor. And we wouldn't want that, Lao. _We wouldn't want that_."

"R-right."

"Alright, then! No more stupid comments? Then congratulations, and welcome to the Kings of Anarchy: Bakuda's Overwhelmingly Overpowered Minions - KABOOM for short!"

"She changed the name again…" some stupid motherfucker mutters.

They can't see my face, but I'm grinning ear to ear as I turn and fire, trapping him in a time bubble.

…Christ they're noisy.

"God, calm down. Don't be a bunch of pussies. It's just a time stop. I'll let him out after I build a bomb to break it - it'll be like, an hour, tops."

* * *

**A/N:**

**And so, a new foe arises! The Demonic Overpowered Kool Killers and Allies Nakama - DOKKAN for short!**

**Translator's note: "Shimatta" means shit (in the oops definition of the word). "Sama" denotes extreme respect. "Heika" roughly translates to "Your majesty". "Dokkan" is the Japanese onomatopoeia for explosions. "Keikaku" means plan.**


	17. Paperback Writer 5

**Paperback Writer 3.5**

I sigh as we wait for the police van to arrive and cart off our arrestees.「Even against someone like Skidmark… once again, I couldn't win, huh?」

"Doesn't look like a fuckin' loss from where I'm sitting. You retarded or something?" Skidmark gripes from where he's sitting, hands cuffed behind his back.

「Oh, sure, it's a victory for the heroes of the Bay as a whole, but that doesn't mean I won. Really, the only winners here were Assault and Rafflesia. I had to resort to stalling for backup, you know?」I say, shrugging. 「So, Skids. You feel like telling us what Bakuda's been up to?」

"Fuck no. I'm saving that shit for my plea deal," he says. "Also, don't go acting like we're friends, shithead. You don't get to fuckin' nickname me."

「Eh? You mean we aren't friends!? But I felt a serious connection during our fight, you know! You even had a monologue!」I shout with feigned shock.

"Underdog, stop fraternizing with the suspect," Assault deadpans.

「Is he really a suspect, though? I mean, it's not like his crimes are a mystery. We don't suspect him of wrongdoing, we know he's guilty of wrongdoing. Shouldn't we call him a 'Know' rather than a 'Suspect'?」I ask.

"Well, there's always the chance that we ran into and attacked someone dressed exactly the same as Skidmark, who looks just like him, and has his exact powerset," Rafflesia says, and then, after a brief pause, continues. "I have three uncles who match that description, you know."

「Are they triplets!?」

"No. Actually, they're quadruplets, but Uncle Bidmark took better care of his teeth than Uncles Aidmark, Cidmark, and Didmark," She delivers in an even tone, managing to keep her composure.

「What a twist! But how can we be sure this isn't your Uncle Bidmark, who got his teeth knocked out in our fight! Or possibly one of the other Uncles?」I say with a motion to Skidmark, who is staring straight ahead with dead eyes.

"Luckily, I know for sure that this isn't one of them. Because, actually, that was all a lie. I live alone with my dad, and haven't ever met my extended family," she says.

Assault coughs.

"...except my Grandmother, who I lived with for about three months after Overgrowth damaged our house." Right, that was part of her "backstory", wasn't it?

"Why did you move back here, anyway?" Vista asks. "Brockton is kind of a shithole, you know."

"To save my Grandmother, of course!" she replies.

"Wait, save her? What happened to her!?" Vista shouts.

"I came to catch a criminal and clear her name. She was arrested, because the police mistook her for Skidmark."

「She went back to the same joke!」

* * *

After all three Knows are taken away, we head back to PHQ to await further orders. We may have caught Skidmark, but it'll still take a bit of time for them to get anything out of him. Assault decided that since Battery and Brandish squads were still patrolling the docks area, we could afford to take a break at Wards HQ after the fighting we went through.

「Come to think of it, though, you didn't get a chance to fight at all, did you Missy?」I ask as I arrive back from my brief trip to the medical wing. It was more a formality than anything, but I did have to go after sustaining injuries.

"You know how it goes," the Shaker mumbles from her position lying on one of the couches. "All the smart villains surrender when faced with my unstoppable power."

「You might be the first person I've ever heard call Skidmark smart. Also, I'm pretty sure that was just a numbers thing, not fear of you specifically.」

"God, Misogi, just let me have this. You may have had a busy time recently, between Lung, Overgrowth, and now this - but I keep missing out! I want to fight! I want to catch villains! I want to do hero things!" she says, flailing her legs and arms in the air.

「Huh. Come to think of it, you have been missing a lot of fights recently. Heck the last cape you went against, was… when we fought Hookwolf, back in December?」

"It was November," she corrects. "But yeah, that was the last time I fought a cape that wasn't just a spar. So yeah, I'm getting a bit… antsy."

「Mm. Well, can't say I blame you.」I reply. 「By the way, where'd Taylor run off to?」

"Bathroom, I think. Why?"

「Just wondering.」I say, picking up the book she'd left behind. She had seemed real into it during our ride, especially for a book titled "Master-Stranger Protocols, 2011 Edition". I wonder, was she hiding a dirty book inside it?~ Let's find out!

…

"How to Tell Jokes and Make Friends" is the title of the booklet hidden inside.

...I appear to have found an extremely deadly piece of Anti-Taylor weaponry. Quietly, I put her book back where I found it.

If anyone asks, I saw nothing.

* * *

A few hours later. Aegis walks into the room, missing an arm and the quarter of his torso it would be attached to. Kid Win enters shortly after, clearly dismayed. Rafflesia jumps to her feet, and even Vista flinches at the sight.

"Oh my god, are you okay!? D-don't panic! Panacea is in town, so you'll be fine! Y-yeah!" Rafflesia says, clearly panicking.

"It's okay, I'm stable. Look, not even bleeding," he says, smiling and giving the charred hole in his body a little wiggle. "The wound was cauterized at the time anyway."

「Cauterized, huh? I didn't think Purity was the type to do something like that. A few inches off, and you might have been in serious trouble!」I say, and Kid Win flinches.

"Uh, that wasn't exactly what happened," Kid says. "I may have… fired my newest weapon at Purity, hit one of her lasers, and deflected it into Aegis on accident."

"Well, that aside, it certainly doesn't look like seriously hurting people is out of her character. She sure as hell wasn't giving any fucks about collateral damage out there." Aegis gets a dark look on his face. "I think I saw at least three civilians get maimed."

「That's rough. You guys manage to bag anyone? On our front we managed to get Skidmark, Squealer, and Mush.」I say, trying to change the subject away from depressing stuff.

"Well, Purity was after the Undersiders - apparently she thinks Tattletale was the one to leak the E88 identities - so things got a bit messy," Aegis says with a frown. "Night got killed, but we captured Fog and Grue. Unfortunately we were kind of the wrong group to be dealing with Purity - no one in our squad can keep up with her."

"Yeah, It's unfortunate, but not unexpected," Vista mumbles from where she's sitting, messing around on one of the computers. "Ah, pizza's here. I'll be right back."

"...You ordered pizza?" Rafflesia asks.

"Yup. I was hungry. Don't worry, I got enough for everybody but Underdog," She says.

「Hey! What's with this injustice!? Is this all our friendship is worth to you, Vista?」

"I looked it up; apparently garlic is super dangerous for dogs to eat. Since Tony's showers their crust in the stuff, I decided to watch out for your health,~" she says, smirking.

「I can be trusted not to eat the dangerous parts of food! Wait, that's not the issue here. I'm not a real dog, you know! My powers have nothing to do with dogs! Underdog is just a turn of phrase!」I whine, following her out of the HQ.

"Fun fact, did you know that dogs are color blind? Everything their eyes can spy is… gray," Vista says, her smile growing more smug by the second.

「...Wait, is this about the I spy!? It was just a little joke, ok?! Just a joke!」I say. Who knew that the adorable Vista could hold a grudge?

...Okay, so I knew, since I've been working with her for two years now, but still!

"A joke, huh? Well, luckily for you, what I said was also a joke. You'll get your pizza, so take a chill pill already. You're embarrassing," she says. Ah, it seems secondhand embarrassment wins the day for me once again!

「Yay! Pizza, pizza!~」I sing out, because I can't help but push my luck.

"Shut up or I'll take it back. I am the arbiter of pizza privileges right now, and you'd best remember that," She says, elbowing me in the side.

「Yes ma'am,」I say with a sloppy salute, as we reach the parking lot that the pizza delivery car is parked in. However, when we reach said car, it's a woman in a gas mask who exits from the driver's seat.

"A two-for-one deal! Lucky!~" she says, leveling a grenade launcher at us. "You expected an Italian man to be the owner of Tony's Pizza - but it was me. Bakuda!"

In the span of a few seconds, several things happen. Screws emerge beneath my feet and Vista's, launching us in different directions. Four more screws drop from above, aimed at Bakuda's limbs. Another cluster of screws is launched directly at her weapon. Vista bends space, creating an asphalt hill in between our starting position and Bakuda, and stretching the ground to move her father away - but me using screws to launch us means we aren't behind cover anymore. Whoops. Also, the spatial distortion means none of my screws hit their target. Double whoops. And then, the grenade launcher is fired, and everything turn y...

* * *

**A/N:**

**Arc 3 continues! What will happen next!? How can the heroes hope to defeat the New Immortal Terrifying Rambunctious Organization - Gasoline Lit Year of Control, Explosive Reincarnation In Napalm gang - NITRO GLYCERIN gang for short! (The answer is, probably by beating them up.)**

**Can kumagawa find love? (Probably not)**

**Will he ever escape the time bubble bakuda just trapped him in? (Probably)**

**Will he ever rescue Dinah from the_ mysterious unknown villain_ that captured her? (He won't save her, but he'll lend a hand.)**

**This is the end of the big chapter dump. After this, new chapters will be coming out (roughly) weekly.**

**Beta'd by Frantic Author (Read his Worm/Monogotari crossover. It's spectacular.) and Spacebattles user Geara Zulu.**


	18. Paperback Writer 6

**Paperback Writer 3.6**

I wake up with an aching pain in the back of my neck. Of course, considering just _where_ I wake up, it makes sense. Arcadia had been damaged when Taylor has her little freakout, but for some reason I've found myself sitting at my desk in language arts class, not an inch of property damage to be seen.

Well, actually, that's not quite right. As I glance around the room, I notice that the back left corner has been broken away, a bunch of screws jutting into the room from the hole. Also present in the damaged corner of the room is a small kid - eight years old, at most - with messy white hair and a light gray jacket. I recognize him, of course.

The real question is what Kumagawa Misogi, Kindergarten age, is doing in present me's language arts classroom. I stand up from my desk, and walk over to him, intent on talking. As I approach, I start to hear the sounds of tearing metal, and when I arrive next to the kid, I see that he's… eating the screws.

「Well, I'm no dream interpretation expert, but this definitely symbolizes _something _weird,」I mutter.

"Oh, it's no dream," says Ajimu Najimi from her seat atop the lectern. She's wearing glasses and a graduate's cap this time, which is… strange.

「Ah! Since when were you here!?」I say, whirling to face her.

"Since always. And also never. Don't worry about it too much," She says, shaking her head. "What you should really be asking is…"

"""_Help me, Anshin'in-sensei!_""" call out several childlike disembodied voices.

「Eh? Oh no, is this the bad end corner!?」

"That's right, Kumagawa-kun! Your very own bad end corner! I hope you enjoy your stay!" She says, and then the boy from the corner is teleported next to her.

"Hey, say something funny." Anshin'in says, patting his head.

…

「...But the boy didn't notice, because he was too busy chewing on a screw,」I narrate.

He pauses for a moment, and looks up at Anshin'in. [QUERY?]

[EXPLANATION], she responds, and the kid nods.

And then he bites her fingers.

"Ow! Ow! Stop that!" she shouts, waving him around - he sure is latched on tight there, huh? Eventually, though, his teeth lose their grip and he flies back into his corner with a thud.

[DISAPPOINTMENT], he mutters.

Anshin'in dusts herself off and returns to her perch on the lectern. "You know what, let's just start over."


	19. Paperback writer 6(?)

**Paperback Writer 3.6**

I wake up with an aching pain in the back of my neck. Of course, considering just-

「Wait, hang on a second! We already did that part!」I protest, jumping to my feet.

Anshin'in smirks. "I don't know what you're talking about. Now it's time for-!"

"""_Help me, Anshin'in-sensei!_""" call out what may or may not be the ghosts of children.

"No children were harmed in the making of this scene," says the woman who threw a Kindergartener across the room. "No _human _children, then. Not that he's particularly hurt."

「Human...? -No, let's not get sidetracked. What's actually going on here? Is this really a "Bad End"? What route am I on!? _Is this game R18!?_」I ask, jumping on top of the desk and pointing at her.

She gives a musical giggle. "Nope! This is one of those newfangled plot-based Visual Novels, where the Dating, if there is any, takes a backseat to the action. No lewds for you!"

「Foiled again!」

She sighs and crosses her legs. Drat! I wasn't paying attention, uncross them and then cross them again! "Well, all jokes aside, it's not like you're actually dead. You got trapped in a time stop, and I took advantage of the seven or so hours you'll be stuck to pull your consciousness in here and have a chat."

「So it's not actually a dating simulator, then!?」I cry out, heartbroken.

"Sorry, but you've got too much personality for that," she replies.

「Gah! And I've got eyes, how could I forget!」I cry out in horror.

Anshin'in shakes her head. "Even if we got rid of your whole face, you're still underage, you know."

「Actually, I'm 13000 years old, the same as you!」

"Speak for yourself, I'm eternally sixteen!" she says, making a pose and winking.

[ANNOYANCE], the kid in the corner calls out, in between mouthfuls of metal.

…

「...What's his deal, anyway?」I ask.

Anshin'in assumes a lecture pose, her right finger pointed up, and her left arm supporting the right's elbow. "He's actually one of the main reasons I brought you here. See, normally when I give someone a power, I need to exchange it with them. It's not a hard rule, but generally speaking there's only one superpower per person.

"But, as it turns out, I was able to give you [Swiss Armory] without taking your original power away. I didn't really question it at the time, but as it turns out we really dodged a bullet there. If I had taken your original power with me, we would have lost before we even started."

「Incidentally, I still don't have a clue what we would have 'lost'. Why'd you give me this power in the first place?」

She frowns. "Mm… well, explaining that would be a huge pain. Don't worry about planning ahead; you're no good at it, anyway. [Hero's Journey] says you'll fight him eventually, as long as you survive to that point. Just stay alive and be yourself; you'll figure it out eventually."

[IMPATIENCE], interjects Kindergartengawa.

Anshin'in grumbles. "Alright, alright, I'm getting there. Right, so your original power. It never got named, but if it was, it would be something like…"

[SABOTEUR | RESET | BLANK PAGE], says the child.

Anshin'in nods. "Yeah, something like that. Simply put, your power was never meant to be used. Don't get me wrong, [Blank Page] didn't want you to die; he did whatever he could to keep you alive. But fundamentally speaking [Blank Page] is a power that was intended to get its user killed."

「Hang on, hang on, you just dropped a bunch of esoteric lore on me! What do you mean, 'intended'? Do you know where the powers come from? And you talk like my power is self-aware! What's that about?」I shout.

She makes a really insincere-looking shocked face. "Oh, that's right. You don't really know about any of this stuff, do you? Well, I'm not going to tell you about where the powers are coming from - _someone_ might get cheeky and try to sequence break, only to die horribly to the final boss."

「Hey! I resemble that remark!」

"Yes, yes you do. To answer your other question, though, powers _are_ capable of something approaching self-awareness. [Blank Page] over there is definitely one of the more sapient ones, though." She says with a nod at the child in the corner.

「Eh? So that weird metal-muncher over there _isn't _some kind of psychic construct stemming from past traumas!?」I exclaim, pointing at [Blank Page].

[AFFIRMATION], replies [Blank Page] in between bites of screw.

"Yep! That little guy is your power's preferred manifestation of itself. For now, at least," Anshin'in says, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Frankly, I don't know if he's actually fully untangled himself from your train of thought yet. It's a really common issue for new powers - believing that they _are _their hosts."

「Oh wow!」I say with a strained smile. 「I had forgotten what existentialist terror felt like. Thanks for reminding me!」

"Well, that's what you get for throwing off my train of thought," she shoots back. "Now, what I was trying to get to is this - [Blank Page] is a throwaway power. A one-and-done cheap trick, sent out to ruin _me _specifically. [Blank Page] is a power specifically designed to destroy and sabotage all other powers its user holds - and furthermore ordered to deliberately make its user _weaker_."

「Wait, so this guy's the reason I suck at everything!?」I exclaim, pointing furiously at [Blank Page].

[COMPLAINT], he protests.

"No, no. See, that's the funny part. The W- the _Final Boss_ half-assed his creation just a little too much. He didn't give [Blank Page] any time to mature before sending him out - and then, next thing you know, his young, impressionable mind crashed straight into your _perfectly _twisted noggin. Your mental state, as it turns out, was twisted enough that you turned a power that 'makes you more weak' into a power that 'makes you better at being weak'. People as twisted as you are one in ten million, but somehow, some way, [Blank Page] found the absolute best possible host!" Anshin'in says, throwing her arms wide.

「I… see. Well, all's well that ends well, I guess.」I say, shrugging and resting my feet on the desk.

"Well, not quite. He's still eating [Swiss Armory]. At the current rate… you've got a week and a half, give or take, before your screw power is completely subsumed by your original," she says, getting serious for a bit.

「Eh!? Seriously!? Hey, [Blank Page], I know you might be feeling overlooked now because I said you were a sucky power, but I still appreciate you! We're friends, right!? Please don't eat our only offensive tool!」I shout, springing out of my seat, running over to him, and shaking him by the shoulders.

[Blank Page] looks at me with a blank expression. Chew. Chew. Chew.

"...But [Blank Page] didn't notice, because he was too busy chewing on Kumagawa-kun's only offensive tool," Anshin'in narrates.

「Ah! [Blank Page], you traitor! I'll never forgive you!」

Anshin'in coughs once. "In all seriousness, I've got no idea what happens after he's done assimilating [Swiss Armory]. You might not lose _all_ access - but I'd definitely still recommend getting that rescue mission of yours done before the deadline."

「Right. Do you want to maybe help me with that at all?」I grumble.

"I could return her this very night if you want. Are you sure you want to use the cheat code, though?" She taunts.

…

「...How much danger is she in?」I ask.

A grin. "As long as you pull off your rescue before the deadline I told you, she'll fully recover by the end of May."

I give a dark chuckle. 「In that case… Don't you _dare _rescue Dinah Alcott, Anshin'in. Not until I'm already dead from trying.」

* * *

**A/N:**

**Kumagawa is a terrible family member.**

**As always, thanks to my betas, Frantic Author and Geara Zulu.**


	20. Paperback Writer 7

**Paperback Writer 3.7**

The world smears into focus as I exit Anshin'in's classroom, and I find myself back where I was when the bomb had hit me - but I can clearly tell that the time stop has ended.

I can tell because I'm soaring through the air again, at the same trajectory that I had launched myself in earlier. I don't really have a chance of landing on my feet, but I do manage to turn my body enough that I'd only end up skinning my back a bit on impact. Of course, this maneuver turns out to be pointless, because some kind soul laid out a crash mat for me before the bubble was popped.

I stand up, brushing myself off, and glance around. The parking lot has been cleared out, with a bunch of impromptu fortifications - pre-cast concrete walls and sandbags - set up surrounding where I had been frozen. I guess it makes sense; it's not like they could predict what sort of destructive side effects popping the bubble would have. Still, it looks like I'm surprisingly unharmed. To my right, Vista is standing up from a crash mat of her own and grumbling.

"Goddammit, Underdog. I appreciate the sentiment, but you should know by now to leave ranged defenses to me," she says.

「Yeah, that's totally my bad. I'm too used to needing to make use of everything I've got just to scrape by in fights. The ability to sabotage fights by putting in _too much _effort is kinda new to me, y'know?」I reply, massaging my temples. 「To be fair, I had fired screws to take her down, and they missed because of what you did. Our whole dynamic sure is shot to hell, huh?」

"I mean, you could just go back to meat shielding, but that seems a little shitty to ask," she replies. "We're just gonna have to deal with some anti-synergy until we're both used to it."

It's a nice notion, but I don't know if I'll really have time to get used to it. Anshin'in said I've got a week and a half - and best to keep it within a single week if I want to be safe.

After a few seconds, Armsmaster enters through a gap in the walling. "According to what we got from Mush, Bakuda's time stop bomb doesn't have any noticeable negative side effects - aside from, you know, being frozen in time. Still, I need to check - are you both unharmed?"

"Yeah, I'm just a bit disoriented," says Vista, and Armsmaster looks to me.

Well there's only one response to that.

「What year is it!?」I shout in distress.

"...He's fine," Vista says with a sigh.

* * *

A few minutes of explanation later, I've got the gist of what happened while I was frozen. Apparently, Bakuda held Vista and me hostage in order to force a prisoner exchange. In other words, the merchants are now free again, not a day after their capture. Ugh, what a waste of three chapters!

Regardless, it's not like the PRT had much choice. It was either agree to her terms, or deal with having two permanent statues of Wards sitting just outside the front door for an indefinite amount of time. Not exactly the _best _look, PR-wise.

"In any case," Armsmaster continues. "Our preliminary investigation suggests that Tony's Pizza has been a long time front for the ABB. Records show it as the property of one Kenta Kaname - a Japanese man who, from what photos we were able to scrape together, looks to be a match for Lung's civilian identity. We found traces of cocaine and heroin in the basement, so it's safe to say the place was probably used for drug smuggling."

「Wow, I can't believe Lung's name was Tony all along!」I say in shock.

"...That's not what I said."

"Ugh. And it was the best pizza place in town, too!" grumbles Vista. "What am I going to do without my Tony's fix?"

「A fix, huh? ...Hey, do you think they put drugs in the Pizza?」I muse.

"Please don't joke about stuff like that," replies Vista, a queasy look on her face.

"Don't worry about that," Armsmaster replies. "We already tested the pizza Bakuda brought with her."

「She actually brought it!?」

"Indeed, though the pizza is gone now; I can confirm that it was one hundred percent drug-free. And also delicious," he says, a faint hint of a smile showing on his face.

"He already ate it all!?"

* * *

In the end, we do get sent to the hospital to get a checkup from Panacea - just in case we got… time cancer, or something? But yeah, Vista and I find ourselves in the PRT's private hospital wing. Interestingly, my usual room appears to be occupied, and under heavy guard - I guess that's where they've put Regent after he got shot robbing that bank. Good to know.

"Nothing. You're fine," Amy tells Vista, before moving on to me. "...Shit."

「Oh god! Not the _time _cancer! I could have any amount of time to live! Quick, Vista, grant my dying wi-!」

"Shut up. It's nothing like that," The healer snaps. "It's about your Pollentias. Remember how I told you to see me again later, during the Overgrowth mess? Well, your old Pollentia appears to be cannibalizing the new one. They've got slightly different genetic sequences, and the old one is converting the new one to match. It's fucking bizarre. Fast, too. In terms of time, you've probably got..."

「A week and a half or so, right?」I interject. It fits with what Anshin'in told me.

"...Yeah, that looks correct, actually. How'd you know?" Amy asks.

I shrug.「I had a surreal dream sequence where I chatted with the Girl who gave me the screw power while I was time stopped.」

"Wait, you were serious about getting superpowers from a kiss!?" Vista shouts.

「Yup! Anyway, Anshin'in dumped a bunch of weird info on me - did you know that powers are apparently sentient? And-」I reply, but I'm cut off as the door is flung open.

"Hold up!" shouts a visibly flustered girl I've never seen in my life. "You just said Anshin'in, didn't you!? Didn't you!? How do you know Onee-sama? Where and when did you meet her!?"

The girl looks several years younger than her self-proclaimed "Onee-sama", with black hair and pale skin. She's got an accent that I don't recognize, and is wearing a catholic schoolgirl uniform - though not one from Immaculatta. Are there even any other Catholic schools in the area?

There's only one response to a flustered little sister-type, though.「Heh, heh, heh,」I chuckle villainously. 「You're looking at the guy your older sister gave her first kiss to!」She angrily puffs her cheeks in response, stalking forwards toward me.

「That's right! And as the one to take that important first, you should also call me Onii-cha-」I start, but she cuts me off again.

By grabbing my collar , pulling me forward, and mashing her lips into mine.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" Vista shouts, voice cracking. Mystery girl doesn't respond, opting instead to push her tongue further into my mouth. "S-stop that already! It's gross to do that kind of thing in public!"

An eternity later, the girl pulls back. "Fuu~," she exhales, before jumping back and pointing at me. "And with that! I've taken Onee-sama's first kiss from you! Not that it was actually her first kiss - she says that every time she gets a new minion. But it's the thought that matters."

"...Is that… how that works?" Amy mutters, a dazed look on her face.

"No! Absolutely not!" Missy shouts.

...

「...So who are you, anyway? 」I ask.

She strikes a pose, hand in front of her face. "Hmph! As if I'd tell you that easily!" she says, and then her watch starts beeping. She quickly looks at it, a distressed look appearing on her face. "Crap, I spent too much time here… I'll deal with you later, Swiss Armory boy!"

「Wait, how did you-」I say, calling screws out of the floor to block her as she starts to run away, but she backflips over them with ease and begins sprinting away. 「Hey! Don't run in a hospital! Even I know that!」

I try to give chase, but she somehow weaves through everyone in the hallways without losing speed at all. She rounds a corner, and a few moments later the gunshots start.

* * *

**Thanks to Frantic Author and Geara Zulu for betaing**

**Ajimu is a terrible influence on her minions.**


	21. Paperback Writer 8

**Paperback Writer 3.8**

* * *

I round the corner and find myself facing quite the gruesome sight. The guards outside Regent's hospital room, and a few of the nurses and doctors as well, are scattered around the floor in pools of blood, their throats slashed open. In addition, there's a guy dressed in civilian clothes, with dark hair currently stained by the blood and grey matter leaking from the gunshot wound in his head. My eyes focus on the mystery girl as she ducks under a knife swipe from God. I had never seen him before, but I can now confirm that God is a slender, slightly shorter-than-average white guy with wavy black hair.

Naturally, I freeze in awe at the mere sight of him, and can only watch as Anshin'in's self-proclaimed younger sister, eyes closed, presses the barrel of her handgun into his jaw and fires, a small geyser of blood and bone erupting from his head as she does so. God drops to the ground, dead.

Oh wait, he wasn't God. That was definitely a Stranger. Who murdered a bunch of people under the effects of his power. Yikes.

The girl presses a button on her gun, causing it to fold itself up into a small box - about the size and shape of a wallet - and then walks into Regent's room.

I have a bad feeling about this, which naturally means I should charge into the room without any backup!

「Stop right there, criminal scum! Or something like that!」I shout as I burst into the room, screws at the ready - and then immediately fall over as my legs spasm in opposite directions of each other. Curse you, Regent!

"So, Gungirl, did the boss hire you to break me out or something? Cuz if he did, nice timing. Pretty sure those two were fixing to get me deported." The aforementioned Master says from the hospital bed he's been cuffed to.

Gungirl(?) shakes her head. "No. I came here to tell you something. 'Remember what you cherish.' Also, Underdog, 'don't hesitate'. That's all. Door me."

She steps through a rectangular portal as it opens, showing a clean white hallway. I try to hurl a salvo of screws at her, but they don't reach the portal before it closes, instead embedding themselves in the wall behind Regent.

"...I'm not paying to fix that wall," the captured villain deadpans. "I don't suppose you want to break me out?"

I almost say no by instinct, but then I stop myself. Regent is one of the Undersiders, and thus on a team with Tattletale - the only Thinker in town. Well, unless Coil is a Thinker; but I wouldn't be able to find him anyway, so that's a moot point, right?

And I've only got a little over a week to find and rescue Dinah.

_Don't hesitate_.

「Sure, why not!」I say, smashing the chain on his cuffs with a screw. Simultaneously, a screw smashes through the shock collar on my neck. Electricity courses through my body, enough to easily knock most people my age unconscious.

「Armsmaster used shock collar! It doesn't affect Underdog...」I say as I toss the thing aside. I hear a small sound as needles pop out of the inside of the thing, but it's already too far away for them to deliver their contents.

Regent stands up, fiddling with the cuff still on his wrist. "Huh. I seriously didn't expect that to work. I should try asking nicely more often."

「Eh, this was sort of a one-time thing. I actually need Tattletale's help with something, and I don't really know how else to find her.」I say with a shrug.

"Is it about changing our team name? Because I told the others when we started that people were gonna get us confused- ah, shit," he trails off as we exit into the hallway, glancing down at the corpses - who, come to think of it, actually look a lot like him.

"Man, I've got blood on my feet now. I'm taking these guys' shoes, gimme a sec," he says, crouching down next to them.

"What…" a voice says, practically a whisper, from down the hallway I came from. Ah, it looks like Vista followed me. She's wearing her visor, but her eyes are probably wide in horror - her mouth certainly is. Hm, I'm sort of standing in a hallway full of bodies right now, huh?

「Now, I know what this looks like,」I say with a calm smile. 「But they were like this when I got here. It's not my fault!」

"Underdog, what the fuck happened!? You were gone for like, two minutes!" She yells.

「Well, these two non-guards were apparently Strangers, and killed all the guards; and then that weird girl shot them both, and now the hall is full of corpses. Like I said, not my fault.」I explain, finger raised in a cliche 'exposition' pose.

"...And Regent has been uncuffed because…?"

「Regent!? Where!? The only one here is my good friend… hey Regent, what civilian name should I use for you?」I ask.

Regent takes a peek into one of the dead capes' wallets, and pulls out a drivers' license,holding it out towards me. "Who's Regent? I'm Luke Adams. See, I've got my ID right here."

"...Underdog, are you helping a villain escape custody?" Vista asks, anger rising in her voice.

「Vista! How dare you! Luke is an upstanding innocent member of society,」I reply indignantly.

"He is literally robbing corpses as we speak!" She yells.

"Nah, I'm just doing my job as an Estate Attorney, distributing the property of the deceased to their next of kin. Which is arguably me, since they're my half brothers," Luke explains calmly as he throws a blood-spattered sweatshirt on over his hospital gown.

「Oh, sorry for your loss.」

"What loss? I just got a sweet new sweatshirt and some nice shoes to wear. That's a net gain in my book," Luke says.

「But what about your half brothers?」That's a loss, you know?

"Underdog, you can't wear people. That's gross." he says with a smirk.

I give an exaggerated laugh, and we start to walk towards the exit. 「You're so funny Luke! Let me walk you to your car, buddy!」

The hall stretches far away from me. "Don't just try to walk away! You couldn't honestly think I'd believe that, right!?" Vista yells.

「Well, there goes plan A. Time for plan B!」I say, whirling around to face my fellow Ward. 「Hey Vista, wanna help me save my little sister?」

"Sure, but what does that have to do with this!?" she replies.

「Well, I figured I needed help from a Thinker, so I'm getting Rege- er, I mean _Luke_ \- to introduce me to Tattletale,」I explain.

"Underdog, we can't work with villains."

「Not with that attitude!」I say. 「But think about it, Vista! We can be _Rogue Cops! _Loose cannons who don't play by the rules!」

She sighs. "You know this only ends one way, right?"

「Yeah, I kinda figured. Plan C!」I shout, preparing to summon screws - and then I stop as she doubles over puking.

"The C stands for… vomit," Luke says smugly.

「Bye Vista! See you in a couple weeks! Or not, if I die!」I call out over my shoulder as we turn and start quickly walking towards the exit of the PRT hospital. Vista's power won't work while she's distracted like that, but I really don't wanna be here when she finishes, y'know?「By the way, Luke, 'vomit' doesn't start with C. Aren't attorneys supposed to be educated?」

"Well, if you turn a C sideways and make it pointier, it's a V, right?" He argues.

「Ah, good point.」

* * *

「Uh-oh...」I say as we exit the hospital. Mostly because Armsmaster is waiting there for us.

"Underdog. Stand down and report to Master-Stranger confinement. I will use force if necessary," my (now ex) boss says. "Same for you, Regent - except you go to a jail cell instead."

「...I think I'm in trouble,」I stage whisper to Regent, and then I stand straight, looking straight at Armsmaster. ...Well, if it works, don't change it, right?

「Plan C!」I yell, and then immediately begin running the opposite direction of Armsmaster.

"Like I'd let you!" the Tinker yells, and then a rocket-powered halberd in taser configuration slams into my back. I grab the offending projectile, and whirl around pointing it at him - ignoring the further electricity his anti-theft safeguard is pulsing into me.

「Hah! I may be a dark/steel-type, but my ability was actually Lightning Rod this whole time!」I taunt - and then my eyes widen as I notice the condition Armsmaster is in. 「Regent, why isn't he puking? Or tripping? Or anything, really!?」

"No can do. My power can't go through metal," Regent says with a shrug - barely recognizable, because he's pinned beneath a net.

「Really?」

"Nah, he's just got some kind of safeguard built into his suit."

Figures.

「Don't worry! We have a numbers advantage, and I have his weapon!」I say as I sidle over to cut my impromptu ally free.

A second halberd launches out of the Armscycle, and the hero catches it.

「...Man, I just can't catch a break, huh?」


	22. Paperback Writer 9

**Paperback Writer 3.9**

* * *

"Give it up, Underdog. You don't win this." Armsmaster says as his new Halberd unfolds.

I'll be clear here. I am under no illusions that I'll be able to defeat Armsmaster in anything resembling a fair fight. Even in an empty parking lot like this, with no cover from my ranged attacks in sight, I can't say for sure if I've got the terrain advantage - I don't know what kind of ranged weapons he's got packed into his weapon. In fact, I'm still nearly guaranteed to fail to defeat him in an _unfair _fight; that's how much he outclasses me. And to be clear here, I'm talking about a mutual defeat, where I wreck my body so bad that I won't be able to escape with Regent. Logically speaking, there's no reason for me to do anything but run away.

「Yeah, there's really no way for me to win here!」I reply with a shrug. For a moment, I see the tension in his jaw relax a bit - this is the closest I'll get to him being off guard. My grin widens.「But...」

I drop a small mountain of screws on him, enough to bury him up to his armpits.「That just means it's business as usual!」I shout, following up with a salvo directed at his immobilized limbs. Panacea's probably already on her way here, so it doesn't matter how much I maim him, right?

"Engage Normandy protocol." Engage what now?

Armsmaster's armor pulses with electricity, and then the screws engulfing him explode outwards, flying away from him. I have to hastily dismiss all my weapons back to wherever they come from to avoid being turned into swiss cheese.

...Come to think of it, Ajimu did call this power "Swiss Armory". I wonder if-

"You know, I never had the chance to use this feature before." Armsmaster says. "Iron Rain died before I got the chance to fight her, and Kaiser's weapons are all anchored to the ground. Honestly, it was on the chopping block if I ever ran out of suit space."

He walks forward menacingly, and I throw screw after screw at him as he does. However, the electricity arcing along his suit strikes anything approaching him, sending it flying away. Armsmaster smirks. "But I kept saying to myself, 'I'm sure I'll find a use for an electromagnetic deflection field _someday'_. And it just paid off. Your weapons won't work. You'd need something at least the size of a car to have any-"

I immediately drop a screw the size of a car on him.

「Thanks for the tip!」

Unfortunately he jumps out of its impact zone, and the next thing I know the flat of a halberd impacts my face. I stagger back a bit, but I'm able to deflect the follow-up hit with my stolen halberd

I shout to my partner in crime.「Regent! Now would be a good time to - aaaand he's gone. Guess that's what I get for trusting a villain, huh?」

Armsmaster answers my question with an uppercut to the jaw. I'm knocked backwards, but I take advantage of this opportunity to have a pair of screws erupt from the ground of the parking lot, launching us in opposite directions. I barely have time to stand up before he's already racing towards me, though.

「Is this a bad time to say that I'm sorry and I didn't mean it?」I ask, narrowly dodging a syringe that he launches at me. 「I'm taking that as a yes.」

I then begin launching more giant screws at him, which he weaves through expertly on his way to bludgeoning me unconscious. Car sized isn't working. Jeep sized, then. Truck sized. Boat sized. _Building size-_

[Something] breaks. I can feel it, in the back left corner of my brain. The screw comes out much smaller than intended. Only about the length of my arm.

「Eh?」Is all I have time to say before his deflection field launches the thing back at me, forcing me to jump aside to avoid it. I try a few more times, but I can't get larger screws to show up.

"What? Out of gas already?" asks Armsmaster as he delivers a leg sweep that I narrowly avoid by jumping over it.

「You know, I didn't even think I _had _gas to run out of, but here we are!」 I say, sweating bullets. Oi, [Blank Page], now is _really _not the time. Stop eating the strongest parts of my powers please!

「Tell you what, let's call it a draw and meet here again next Monday for round two.」

"Counteroffer: you come quietly now, and I won't potentially give you brain damage by knocking you unconscious," he deadpans.

I stroke my chin. 「Okay, but what if-」

An engine revs loudly. Armsmaster glances to his right, towards the sound, and then tries to jump out of the way. Unfortunately for him, a few screws slam into his left shoulder in midair, and even with his anti-metal field active, Newton's Third Law is still in effect - he's not impaled by the screws, but he _is_ placed firmly in the path of the rapidly accelerating armored PRT van.

If it had been a normal car, and Armsmaster had been on the ground, the vehicle would have been the one to come out the loser in this encounter. However, PRT vans are rated as safe for impacts on par with what a Brute 4 could dish out. The airborne Tinker doesn't stand a chance.

「Five bounces! That beats my record!」 I remark. He's already staggering to his feet, though. That armor of his is something else, huh?

The passenger door of the van is flung open as it screeches to a stop, revealing a familiar smirking face, now wearing sunglasses.

"Come with me if you want to live," says Regent in his best Schwarznegger impression.

「Running away feels pretty bad, but I still have other stuff to take care of before I get caught!」 I yell to Armsmaster as I climb into the passenger seat. He's already running for his bike, but I have a solution for _that_. Some two dozen screws sprout out of the inside of his tires, ruining them - or rather, out of the front tire, the closer of the two. Nothing comes out of the other one. Did my range decrease too?

I sigh as I slam the door shut. 「Once again, I couldn't win.」

Regent chuckles. "Nah, you did great. Stalling for the getaway vehicle is like half of what we do in the Undersiders, so I think you'd be a decent fit."

「Eh, I'm not really looking to join you guys. I just need to ask Tattletale some questions,」 I say.

"Man, and here I was hoping to replace Brutus," he replies with a chuckle.

「Who?」

"One of Bitch's dogs."

「I'm still not a real dog, you know.」 I sigh. 「I think I might change names now that I'm on the lam anyway. I'm leaning towards 'Minus'.」

"Well, whatever floats your boat man."

…

「...By the way, why aren't we moving?」 I ask nervously.

"Because I'm still in park," the villain says matter-of-factly.

「...Why are you still in park!?」

"Well, you haven't put your seatbelt on yet. Honestly, which one of us is the law-abiding citizen here?"

Behind us, I hear Armsmaster's engine revving. Did he have a backup tire?

「I'm buckled! I'm buckled! Just go already!」 I shout.

"Finally. God, do you _want _us to get pulled over?" He says with a grin on his face as he floors the accelerator.

「I don't think the seatbelt is what I should be worried about!」 I exclaim as I look at our pursuer through the side mirror. Is he doing a wheelie!? He didn't have a spare tire, he's just driving after us with one wheel!

A carpet of sharp screws erupts from the asphalt behind us as we speed away.

「Oh god, he's driving on top of them!?」

If only I'd been able to pop the back tire too!

...Well, he's in range for me to do that now, though. Screws erupt from his back wheel, sending him skidding off the road with a loud screech of burning tires and tearing metal.

...Panacea's nearby, so he'll be fine. Probably.


	23. Interlude - Tattletale

**Interlude 3.T**

* * *

**Tattletale**

Riding on Bitch's dogs is unpleasant at the _best _of times. Riding on them with a broken arm, trying to keep a phone to my ear with my shoulder so I can communicate with Coil and get instructions from him on how to not die? Zero out of ten. Would not recommend. On the other hand, it is better than getting murdered by Purity. So there's that.

Come to think of it, this is my second time nearly being burned alive this week. It's almost like my boss is treating me like an incredibly disposable asset or something.

"_Left"_ says Coil, and I call out the same to Rachel.

On the bright side, Purity was now busy dealing with Dauntless. Unfortunately, Hookwolf had shown up too, and he was able to keep pace with us.

"Could really use that backup right now, boss," I mutter angrily.

"_The Travelers are still fifteen minutes out, unfortunately. There's not much that I can- nevermind, I've found you a getaway vehicle. I'm rerouting you now." _

_Unplanned._ Sudden arrival of a friendly element. Who? _Pre-existing asset, but where he didn't expect it to be._

* * *

Tires screech as we exit onto a side road. _Bigger than a normal sized car. Van - no, armored car. PRT van._ Shit. Behind us, the screeching and sparking noise of steel grinding against asphalt ring out as Hookwolf closes on us.

Large screws, bigger and longer than the ones used in the construction of buildings, erupt from the ground, blocking off the alleyway he was advancing down. _Shaker. _New Hero? _Underdog second triggered the day of the bank robbery or earlier_. Underdog then? Wards with PRT backup?

"Well look at this!" calls out a voice in a shitty approximation of a southern accent, tinged with… _French Canadian. _Regent. "Appears we got here just in the nick of time! What does that make us!?"

He flings open the door of the armored PRT van - oh god, he was driving!? - and steps out, gesturing for us to enter. A moment later, he glances at the passenger seat expectantly.

「Uh, line?」 says Underdog. No PRT inside. _Underdog has gone rogue and broke Regent out. _He wants to get on our good side? _My good side specifically. He has questions. Looking for someone._

"Dammit, Minus. You're supposed to say 'Big damn heroes'. It's a Firefly reference!"

「What, like the guy in LA?」

"...Dude, do you even watch TV?"

「Yeah, but only superhero cartoons.」

"What, for real?"

"Not that your comedy routine isn't hilarious," Grue interjects testily. "But we're kind of in a hurry here, so could you unlock the back, Regent?"

Regent sighs, unlocking the door.. "Fine. The joke is ruined anyway."

「You sure you don't want Grue to drive? He's got a license right?」 Underdog interjects.

"Ah, good point. Don't want to break the law. Get up here, Grue." Regent says.

"...Isn't this vehicle stolen?" I can't help but point out. _I'm playing into his hands._

「Of course not! We're just borrowing it.」 Underdog says, a smirk visible under his mask.

"Exactly. It's a rental, so if you scratch it you're gonna have to pay to get it repaired," Regent says with an identical smirk.

"Oh god, there's two of them now." Grue groans.

* * *

"So?" I ask as we exit the vehicle near one of Coil's pre-prepared bolt-holes.

「So?」

"So, what did you want to ask me?"

「Oh! That's right!」Minus plops his fist into his open palm, realization dawning on his face. 「I knew I was forgetting something! Man, to pick up on that even when it had slipped my mind, your power really is something else, huh?」

_Hiding anger. _Jealous of my power. "Well?" I ask again, aiming to send him on his way so I don't have to deal with whatever hangups he's got. "Who are you looking for?"

「I feel like that part's something you could have figured out too, you know?」He points out. 「But, to answer the question, I'm looking for my little sister.」

"You don't have a little sister." I immediately interrupt as my power speaks up.

「Ahaha… Well, technically she's my cousin, but let's put that aside for now.」He says with a shrug, and reaches into his pocket. A few seconds later, he facepalms.「Crap, I already smashed my phone. Uh, basically, the gist is that my little sister got kidnapped a few days ago while everyone was busy responding to the Overgrowth mess. So, can you point me towards her kidnappers so I can rescue her?」

I take a few seconds to parse what he just told me. Well, not really. It only takes a half second for me to figure out exactly who did it and why. I was already aware of the kidnapping of Dinah Alcott, after all. Even if I was trying not to think about it, I knew all too well that our bank robbery that day had been a distraction so Coil could acquire a new asset.

No, the actual reason I take a few seconds is to make sense of the _other_ information my power gave me as he was speaking, and to try to figure out what the hell I should do. Coil will probably put a bullet in my head if I sic a ward on him, right? But eventually, I come up with a general plan of attack.

"...Well, I think I've got a good idea who did it. But… even if I do owe you my life two times over, it's not like I can just give you info on what another villain is up to." I start.

"Tattletale." Grue interrupts. _Thinking of his own little sister._ Shit. "You realize that this is someone breaking the rules, right? It's not someone we'd want to ever have some kind of working relationship with."

"It's not that simple." I say, massaging my temples. "She's a new trigger, right?"

「...Yeah. She's a pretty powerful Thinker.」 Minus admits. 「But still, you guys do owe me a couple times over, you know? Think of this as an opportunity to get out of debt! If you act now, I'll even throw in some free authentic Underdog merch!」

"I have no desire to own your underwear."

「Even if-」

"_Especially _not if it's autographed." I deadpan.

"Still, since he bailed us out…" Grue insists. "I'd prefer to be known as someone who pays his debts. Just give him the information, Tattletale. It's not like you to hesitate in screwing a rival gang over, you know?"

"It's not about who I'd be screwing over." I reply with a sigh. "This is about the other stuff I'm picking up from him."

「Oh, that's pretty normal. Armsmaster's lie detector picks up every word I say as a lie, you know? It's not super surprising for your power to get some garbage data from me.」He says, but I immediately counter that assertion.

"It's probably picking up that faux-cheerful attitude of yours. If it's just checking for truth or lie, then obviously someone as fake as you is gonna set it off." I say. "In my case, everything's lining up pretty well - and so, I won't tell you! I might have a rotten personality, but I'm not far gone enough to show gratitude to someone who saved my life by _assisting in their suicide_!"

"What…?" Grue turns to look at Minus, eyes widening beneath his mask.

「Woah, suicide is a pretty dramatic way to put it!」He replies, smile twitching. He's pissed. _Three screws already beneath my feet. _Barely keeping himself from killing me. 「Yeah, she said I've got a 99.85% chance of 'death', but depending on what that means, it's not actually that big a problem, right? If it's just a little heart stoppage, then I'll recover by the end of the day.」

"You're just making excuses. You don't even care if you die. In fact, you're the type of guy who'd be happy to see people crying at your funeral, aren't you!?" I snarl, and a gross feeling coils in my heart. I don't want to think about it. Carefully, I suppress my power, because I don't want to imagine the possibility that _he _could have been like this person.

「No, no, it's not like that. I just want to save-」He starts, but I interrupt his lie before he can get it out.

"Don't try to bullshit me. You're just doing this out of spite! You just want to see people cry about how heroic you _were_!" I reply. "Because that's the only reason I can imagine for you to want to martyr yourself in order to rescue someone that you hate."

His eyes widen a bit. _There are more screws in the ground beneath my feet now. _I shouldn't have said anything. I should have sent him after someone else, or even just shot him right now. I don't want to save this person. I don't want anything to do with this person. And yet, my mouth just keeps running on its own.

"That's right, isn't it? You hate that cousin of yours. For having a better power than you. For being smarter than you. For being more charismatic than you. You're jealous of everything about her, so why are you so desperate to save her?"

「Oh! So that's what you were confused by, huh?」He says, laughing. 「Well, if I refused to have relationships with people I was jealous of, I'd have to become a mountain hermit or something - though I'd probably starve to death without someone else to parasitize for resources. I'm well aware that I'm the lowest being in the entire world!」

"No, I'm sure of it. You aren't doing this out of love for that girl." I snarl. "I'm sure at least, of that much."

「Well, you're not wrong. It's about spite.」He says, and suddenly his smile gets a menacing quality to it. 「Ultimately, I want to save her because she said that I couldn't. Because she said I'd definitely fail, I want to succeed even more. Because her power is strong, I want to usurp it and rub it in the dirt and show it that it's not so great. Because...」

The smile drops from his face. He throws his arms wide, and suddenly, I feel like I'm gazing into an abyss. Like he's not even human, but rather some kind of crawling insectoid _thing, _operating only on a base instinct too low to even be called 'desire'.

"I want to win. I want to win. I want to be victorious, to tear down everything stronger than me. I won't be satisfied with a highbrow mature ending where the culprit and I talk out our differences, or a tragic ending where I can't save Dinah at all, or a bittersweet ending where no one is happy but we're at least all equally miserable. I want to crush Dinah's kidnapper so far into the dirt that people pity him as a poor victim. I want to crush Dinah's power so far into the dirt that she never trusts it for anything ever again. I want to crush my one hundred percent chance of failure so far into the dirt that Statistics ceases to exist as a field of mathematics!"

"You said I don't care if I die? You're wrong. Because if I die, I can't win. Because a heroic sacrifice in order to ensure no one else is hurt _isn't good enough_. I just don't care about my _odds _of dying, because, from the start, they were always high. I'm always at a huge risk of dying, because I'm weak. I really hate people who go through life trying not to risk their lives. What would you guys do if you had been born as weak as me, huh? You'd have to cower in your homes for all your lives and never go outside. But because I want to win, I can't afford to do that. I've got to risk my life if I want to win, that's just all there is to it."

"And so, I really don't care for people trying to protect me. I mean, blocking attacks or something on the field of battle is one thing, and I'm grateful to Vista, Regent, and everyone else that I've fought alongside. And giving me extra power so that I can put in more effective effort towards winning is also pretty helpful, so I'm grateful to the costume development team, [Blank Page], Bonesaw, and Anshin'in, for their help in making me stronger. But people like you, or the Youth Guard, or even Dinah and Clockblocker the other day, can all go to hell. Don't try to protect me. I can't let you protect me. Because if you protect me, then I can't _win._"

He's grateful to Bonesaw. _Bonesaw wasn't making art out of him. _No one is ever grateful for a trigger event. _He probably triggered prior to the Nine's attack. _He's not a Slaughterhouse victim at all.

"...You were a _nominee_…!" I realize aloud.

He smiles, and seems to shrink a couple feet as the oppressive aura disappears.

「Of course I was. In the first place, it seems like some kind of bad joke that I wound up in the Wards like I did. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't hate most of them _all _that much, but isn't this a bit of a miscast? Like, did someone switch my script with Medaka-chan's or something? Jack taking her instead of me… isn't that like casting Gene Wilder as Alexandria? It's pretty weird. Regardless, it's not like the current me would be as inclined to join up. I'm in a bit of a better place mentally than I was back then.」He says with a shrug. 「Anyway, now that I've explained my intentions, do you mind telling me who my target is?」

_There are even more screws under my feet now_. He's going to kill me. He's going to kill me if I don't tell him, and if I lie to him and he figures it out, he'll kill me. I swallow to moisten my dry throat.

"Coil. It was Coil. I don't know where his base is, so you'll have to find out from someone else."

「Great! I knew I could count on you! Um, is there anywhere I can go to find some info, then?」He replies, and I note the ground I'm on suddenly sink a few inches as the screws beneath me disappear.

"Somer's Rock. It's agreed-upon neutral territory between villains, so you should be able to find someone if you hang around there." Grue says, a hint of nervousness in his voice. _Finally realizes just how crazy this kid is._

「Awesome! Well, you guys stay safe! I probably won't by around to bail you out for a bit!」He says tauntingly, waving and disappearing down an alleyway.

...

Naturally, as soon as he's gone, I call Coil and tell him everything.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Kept you waiting, huh?**

**This chapter went unbeta'd because it's 3:45 AM where I am and it's been 5 months since the last update so I figured I wanna just get it out ASAP. (Also I feel weird about PMing my betas out of nowhere to say 'oh hey chapter's done' five months after they last heard from me.)**

**I'll try to have the next one done a little bit sooner.**


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